भगवती मां

 ना मैने कोई पुण्य किया।

ना पाप मेरे रुकते है।

मन का भी कहां अच्छा हूं?

पर मैं तो मां का बच्चा हूं। 

पूजा पाठ न मुझे आता है।

ना मुख कोई भजन गाता है।

वाणी का भी कहां सच्चा हूं?

पर मैं तो मां का बच्चा हूं। 

मठ मंदिर मैं नहीं जाता हूं।

सेवा भी नहीं कर पाता हूं।

व्यवहार में भी तो कच्चा हूं।

पर मैं तो मां का बच्चा हूं। 

मन तो मेरा अति लोभी है।

सोते जगते कुछ चाहता है।

काम क्रोध से सींचा हूं।

पर मैं तो मां का बच्चा हूं। 

तीर्थ में मैं नहीं नहाता हूं।

दान भी तो नहीं दे पाता हूं।

अच्छा भी मैं कहां सोचा हूं?

पर मैं तो मां का बच्चा हूं। 

...बस मैं तो भगवती मां का बच्चा हूं। 

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

ओम्।

Incidentally, today being upakarma, I scribbed a small ode on Yajnopavita early this morning as I woke up with this thought:

भो यज्ञोपवीत,

किन्नु पाशवद्बध्नासि।

जपविद्याकर्मभिः पुष्टं सत्,

ज्ञानदाह्यमपि न दग्धमसि।

उपकर्मणा त्वां पुनर्नमामि, यतोहि,

असत्सु तेषु तु कदापि न दहसि।

तादृशेनापि त्वया, भो उभयपाश,

अलङ्कृतोस्म्यहमलङ्कृतोस्मि।

गुरुपादुकाभ्याम्।

प्रवीणभट्टः।

Thoughts 116

ॐ

११६. किं साधनं कः साध्यः एतयोः विवेकः नैव दृश्यते लोके। साध्यप्राप्तये परधर्ममपि नैकः स्वीकरोति, स्वधर्मं त्यक्त्वापि, तस्मिन्नेव परधर्मे वसति, साध्यं विस्मरति। साधनं कदापि दुष्पूरं भाति, तथैव तत्र भगवता श्रीकृष्णेन कामः महाशनः अनल इत्युक्तम्। एषः कामः सर्वं अश्नाति तर्हि अलं न विद्यते अस्येति। जीविकां साधनत्वेन न पश्यन् साध्यमिव पश्यति सर्वः। कुतो मोक्षः।

श्रीगुरुभ्यो नमः।

Do you have brahmajnAna?

ॐ

There was a question to the effect so: you have studied prasthAnatraya and are involved in tarka with technical words, but why is it that you are not a brahmajnAnI?

It is a valid question, if it really was a question, and I shall answer it in the context of anyone, as my personal issue is useless to anyone. However, I may also be considered as falling within the following if it helps. The journey to brahmajnAna begins with mumukShutva, which is not possible without a good amount of chittashuddhi, which assumes viveka-driven vairAgya and shaTsampatti. However, wanting mokSha also, meaning mokSha among other things, brings neither this nor that! It is this type of mumukShutva that most of the people that we know have, which is technically not that at all. We are unwilling to work hard on our chitta at the cost of our jobs/businesses/livelihoods, fame, possessions, luxurious lifestyles, etc. We have all sorts of excuses for not doing our nityakarma, why-- most of us don't even know our nityakarma, let alone do it. Many others among us entered late into it and do what we can. Then we pick simpler options that will bring chittashuddhi such as tIrthayAtra which may be more of sightseeing than anything else, temple visits, dAna, etc. We are more comfortable with this approach than have shraddhA in a guru and do gurusevA, as we have more-or-less concluded that "there are no real gurus" today, or less likely "I am unfit to find a guru", or its impractical in this day, or whatever.

With all that going on, we also come across several books with translations, blogs, mailing lists, groups, online classes, recordings, and some nearby satsanga to bring us jnAna! It is this jnAna that we think is theoretical and needs practice, not the jnAna that comes out of systematic study under a guru. With either of these, there is also possibility of jnAnotpatti that feels so real sometimes, and I am not talking that under emotional unrest, that we think "this is it", but as Sw. Paramarthanandaji says, it lasts only till we wear our footwear after satsanga! This is the reason we end up thinking that brahmajnAna is very difficult and worse yet, brahmajnAna doesn't mean mukti but "I need brahmAnubhava". However, the fact is to the contrary: the indulgence in the world like before takes away that "feeling" which was undoubtedly not different from experience. To avoid this, Bhagavatpadacharya has said that a person who wants mokSha should give up everything lock, stock and barrel at the very glimpse of that non-dual reality, or that mithyAtva-feeling towards the world. Rarely does anyone do so today. Those who want to are unable to, due to their prabala-prArabdha presenting obstacles at every moment taking away decades till the time is ripe! This prArabdha manifests as family dependencies, health problems, kuNDali issues, etc; take your pick! So what is left is a balancing act trying to do what you can for continuing chittashuddhi, shravaNa and manana. The main reason for prArabdha to bring in hurdles is that the vAsanas are ready to manifest as obstacles and sannyAsa is a strict no as per shAstras when this happens. One is lacking chittashuddhi as one has been a gatecrasher to the shravaNa-party! At this stage, taking to japa, pUja, yajna, and/ or upAsana, and avoiding indulgence of any kind is called for. This can continue lifelong and may lead to videhamukti if the person has knowledge free from all doubts. However, jivanmukti, meaning Ananda, is not possible without sannyAsa or at the very least, solitude. If not at the stage of shravaNa, sannyAsa is called for at the stage of nididhyAsa. A person who is unable to take sannyAsa is held back by a similar prArabdha that denies shravaNa in the first place. Now then, what hope is there? A person doing continuous shravaNa giving up indulgence along with desires, and going along with prArabdha without opposing it, is either led to sannyAsa in time or is sure to get videhamukti on the fall of the body.

In other words, brahmajnAna is not that difficult, but niShThA is extremely difficult because it needs a lot of sAdhana that is skipped before jnAna, making dropping-off everything difficult! (An ideal adhikArI is a kRtopAsti). And then people start questioning brahmajnAna itself and so on goes saMsAra, be it hunting for more jnAna or anubhava.

gurupAdukAbhyAm

Thoughts 113

Thoughts 113: यस्य दहन्ती मुमुक्षा नास्ति तं इच्छाः दहन्ति।

To live or to lead?

Some years ago, a wise gentleman told me thus: "Many people think that living a life is sufficient, but its really leading a life" or something to that effect. It made sense alright, but I was so blunt that I didn't think that that rule applied to me. I had come down from neck-deep of spiritual following to only knee-deep. Still, I'd hopes. And hopes are what have brought me this far through nowhere land!

Success is a difficult thing in spirituality, more than it is in the world out there. People, unfortunately, have a common worldly yardstick to measure even your success on the spiritual side, not knowing that the units are totally different and cannot be even converted by your regular math! Now then, how are we to prove our spiritual worth to the world that stands as a witness, whether or not you want it there at your doorstep? We needn't! The day we feel the need for others to tell us about how well we are doing on the path, thats the day we can throw our beliefs aside and pump up the ego, slip down, fall and rethink our priorities.

Coming back to the original question then, I agree up to an extent. We do lead our lives, and that comes naturally to us since birth, the way we are taught. However, that is the precise reason we are in this karmic debt of needs and wants. We are repaying for our wanting to lead not only our life but others' lives as well. Plain vanilla living, first letting go of our wants and then slowly moving toward letting go of what we consider as needs too, is easier said than done. Its a moment of truth when we give into the belief that I'm alive not due to my leading the life, but despite it; some higher force-- that prANa-- takes care of me, without my involvement, whatsoever. All my involvement just increases this span of surviving across lives, dragging me further away from the truth than I stand today.

So, instead of leading my own life into eternal set of lives, I'd rather go with the flow and say so: The same force that made me give up my job might make me take up another, and that is okay... I'll be ready when I'm ready.

om tat sat

Vairagya series-1

Hari Om!
Over the next few blog entries, I'll try and write on some of the greatest stanzas from Vairagya Shatakam, a wonderful treatise of a hundred verses on vairagya that resulted from viveka, out of disgust of worldly things, of kAminikancan, to Bhartrihari, elder brother of King Vikramaditya. I've refered to the translation of Sw. Madhavananda of Ramakrishna ashram.
kshAntaM na kshamayA gRhocitasukhaM tyaktaM na saMtoSataH
soDhA duHsahashItavAtatapanakleshA na taptaM tapaH
dhyAtaM vittamaharnishaM niyamitaprANairna shaMbhoH padaM
tattatkarma kRtaM yadeva munibhistaistaiH phalairva~ncitAH (VS-6)
We've forgiven, but not out of forgiveness (but out of our incapacity to right our wrongs); we've renounced the comforts of home life, but not out of contentment after satisfaction (but as an exile from home in quest of riches); though we've suffered inclemencies of weather, cold and heat so difficult to bear, still they are not religious austerities that we've undergone; with subdued vital forces, night and day have we brooded on money and not on the feet of Siva; thus we've performed those very acts which the saints do perform, but of their good effects we've deprived ourselves.
We sin a great lot, but justify it to social order and circumstances and in comparison to others, we think of ourselves as a superior lot. With that thinking comes self-forgiving attitude to overlook all our wrongdoings and considering ourselves pure-hearted thence, instead of leaving the bad once and for all and taking to satsanga. Most of us, rather people like me, consider leaving home and hearth as a great sacrifice. But shameful as it is, its not done to be content with what little we may find outside home, but to earn riches and better home into luxurious living. Even so, the temperature variations that we cope up with in our yearning for more money has nothing to do with titikshA that needs to be developed in seeking the feet of the Lord. Bhartrihari then goes on to say that we've done in bits all that saints do but with a pathetic intention and therefore, neither does it term as any kind of tapas nor does it bring good results.
om tat sat