Hari Om!
Since nearly a month now, I've become extremely short tempered. Perhaps, physiologically, my blood pressure may be undergoing various changes too in the ways that I've tried to control my anger and failed! The sudden burst of anger seen now has really happened in a gradual manner. Over years, I've tried to control anger in various ways: humour, sarcasm, turning tables, silence, etc, but now it is beyond me. And what is it that makes me angry? Thus far, I'd trouble tolerating lies and had zero patience for nonsense. Apart from this, I dislike correcting the same mistakes of people; that is, I don't like to repeat things endlessly. The list has, by far, been growing. I was losing interest in almost everything worldly, not the technicality of the topics by themselves, but the people getting involved in it. For example, I'm okay with the talk that "stocks are not doing good", but not a following statement that "Mr. Abc is totally into shares" or "he has xyz investment" about others, etc. And this is precisely what people do; they start bringing in gossip, because they have no other better business. They seem to think that I've no better business either! I don't care what they think, but I don't want them to share it with me. So not only have I lost interest in worldly things and talk, but the worldly people themselves. I'm trying to find a solution to this and God willing, I'll have it in place soon. Till then, I'm trying to live my life by staying indoors as much as possible and keeping my phone off. I do get a few calls or old sms' when I switch on the phone for internet access, but I'm enduring them so far. Another reason to avoid meeting people in person/ on phone is to avoid fights; if I can't continue my sAdhana due circumstances or lack of satsanga, I'd rather spend my life in watching movies than confront these people who are a duHsanga.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them alone; I'm blaming myself too. What they do is their nature, what I do is mine... anger shouldn't be a part of my nature and hence the solution I'm trying. Even if I can't change myself, I can at least not waste my life getting angry at people I shouldn't be caring about in the first place! To each his own. :)
om tat sat
4 comments:
Moksha
What a coincidence ... Interested by your previous post on "Vairagya Shatakam" I was trying to find a simple English translation to read and chanced upon some letters by Swami Vivekananda ...
Go to http://www.ramakrishnavivekananda.info/vivekananda/volume_9/writings_prose_and_poems/bhartriharis_verses.htm and search for "1st February, 1895" ... I was reading some similarities (in my opinion) with your current post ...
Cheers
Gautam
Gotya,
I tried the link you left, but somehow, I can't find 1895 or even Feb on that page; it shows verse 46 at the end of the page. Would you please crosscheck the link you indicated, or preferably, paste-in what you'd in mind?
Thanks much,
--moksha
Moksha
Sorry, I posted the wrong link. The right one is http://www.vivekananda.net/KnownLetters/1895NewYork.html
See the letter to Miss. Mary Hale on 1st February, 1895.
He generally writes about his (own) argumentative nature and general intolerance of 'social niceties' over 'truth' ... At one point he says " I will die a thousand deaths rather than lead a jelly-fish existence and yield to every requirement of this foolish world, no matter whether it be my own country or a foreign country."
Now his ideas may be different or similar to yours but when you speak of your short temper and intolerance of some traits of people around you, I (and excuse me for this if you do not like it) find some parallels with his letter ...
Cheers
Gotya
No need for an excuse, I'm thankful in fact. SV's words are soothing and comforting, since he clearly puts it that there is no need to be *sweet*. But he was a man of confrontation, capable on all fronts; I, OTOH, in my small baby steps of sAdhana, try to avoid all confrontations.
The topic of my anger had also come up in satsanga some 4-5d back. When I mentioned this, a senior sAdhaka (old too, in his 70s) said that that is the case with most sAdhakas. They just can't tolerate any worldly talk around them.
Thanks once again for the link, the audience, support and encouragement.
om tat sat,
--moksha
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