More blessings

Yesterday, Swami (Sathya Sai) came in my dream and materialized a necklace for some doubter, who was stunned looking at Baba with his eyes sparkling!

Later on, he materialized something else (maybe vibhuti) for Prashant Bilgi, a friend of mine who got me into visiting Sai, and four very small Shiva lingas for me (one was white).

Surprisingly, he had short hair like Nisargadatta Maharaj and spoke Marathi with me! He said something to the effect that "don't postpone your saadhanaa for later, start immediately".

Bhagavan's blessings

I enter an old dusty temple in some hope. Ramana Maharshi is sitting just inside the sanctum sanctorum facing some deity! Bhagavan turns to me. I can't help but notice the contrast between his dark skin and his short grey hair; as if I know the contrast between his body that we see and the Self that he is. There's a plate outside with a lot of coins, with a few five rupees ones. I break the silence and say to the Maharshi "No one stole" as if the money belonged to me from my drawer in office. Ramana puts a five rupees coin kept in front of him next to the plate and immediately I react by saying: "I know thats the one..." (nodding, as if I knew it was the money he carried when he left home). He nods back!

I know from somewhere that Ramana's leaving the temple and wants me to meditate there (or something!) I'm reluctant and seem to think: "How can I even think of being where you sat before? Give me some blessings" I can't control my feeling and fall flat at his feet in a saashTaanga. (the bystander is thinking "why him?!!!") My head touches Ramana's feet and I expect something to happen. Something does happen!

I feel some energy enter my skull from his feet and move down my spine. All's blissful. My body shivers! When this energy meets my kunDalini halfway, it forcibly pushes her down all the way to the mulaadhaara. This part being painful, I yell out loudly. Bhagavan seems concerned at the end of it and pantomimes me to look at him. I look into his eyes; in fact I focus between his eyes, on the third eye! Soon a blissful feeling flows from him that wakes me up! End of dream, I'm wide awake, no more pain.

I wonder whether to get up. I wonder what the dream means. I wonder if I should meditate, cry, look around for Ramana's picture. I do nothing. I lie still. I decide to sleep on; only that I can't. I pick up the cell to check time: 0411 hrs. I see an alarm set for 0600 hrs. I say to myself: "I'll sleep more". I still can't. Its guruvaara.

[I freshen up, look at Ramana photos, write this dream down, lest I forget details. Soon, I open Paadamaalai and at some page I see: The Self is upaadhi-free]. ramaNaarpaNamastu

What more, now?

These days,
  • I can't start my day at work before 1100 hrs !
  • I can't feel myself at office after 1800 hrs!
  • The hours between those go by without the work getting done.

My office needs a break from me, plain simple fact that my boss refuses to see!!!

Sad cafe

Today, I was listening to the following songs:

Still loving you -Scorpions
The sad cafe -Eagles
Winds of change -Scorpions
The girl from yesterday -Eagles
You & I -Scorpions
Best of my love -Eagles
She's always a woman -Billy Joel
Love will keep us alive -Eagles
Lying eyes -Eagles
Peaceful easy feeling -Eagles
Everybody hurts -R.E.M.

Some theme, eh? :)

Hats off to Eagles. .. what a song: The sad cafe!

Oh, it seemed like a holy place,
Protected by amazing grace

And we would sing right out loud,
the t
hings we could not say
We thought we could change this world

With words like "love" and "freedom"

We were part of the lonely crowd

Inside the sad cafe
Some of their dreams came true,

Some just passed away

And some of them stayed behind

Inside the sad cafe.
The clouds rolled in and hid that shore

Now that glory train, it don’t stop here no more

Now I look at the years gone by,

And wonder at the powers that be.

I don’t know why fortune smiles on some

And let’s the rest go free
Maybe the time has drawn the faces I recall
But things in this life change very slowly,

If they ever change at all

There’s no use in asking why,

It just turned out that way

Ad infinitum

This is a world of infinities, or should I say these are infinite worlds? We all have known how one person can't see the same color depth as the other sees, or how no two people perceive the world exactly the same and we've experienced how thoughts go ad infinitum too. Today, I realized another thing. The time I was experimenting with desirelessness, I was asked "isn't it also a desire to be desireless?"

That time, I knew it to be a trick question, but didn't have a convincing answer beyond calling it (much) lesser of the two crimes. Now I know it more. I know that my answer to such a question is also ad infinitum. Consider this: I say that the desire to be desireless is not a desire, but a person who is desireless doesn't want to be desireless, he just doesn't even want the desire to be desireless!

Here's a quote I phrase to this thought: The world is only thought-deep.


What are vAsanA-s? They're, at a very basic level, known to be occurrences from memory. However, this memory is not a memory of things done, seen, etc, in this life alone. These are associations over numerous lives that have found a root to settle down to. They're the sediments, or some sort of concentrate that mixed with other things in life bring out the essence of the past experiences alive!

vAsanA as a Sanskrit term is derived from the sense of smell. Its talked of in scriptures with an example of a cloth retaining a flower's fragrance after coming in touch with it. Very similar to this, when a person knowingly or unknowingly does, thinks or says something, it immediately commits itself unto the person as vAsanA. As such, over a period of many a lives, the likings of a person will have made it as strong vAsanA-s, only to recur again and again and growing stronger. Its a vicious circle that makes living-according-to-the-past a natural process. Yes, they make a kaarmic binding by forming knots. Its easy for a vAsanA to drag a person's senses into even shunned experiences just like a dream lion can scare a person even after waking!

The mind is shadowed by these and the impurities make it opaque to such an extent as to cover up the Self that shines, and making it impossible for one to believe that there's anything apart from the body, mind, intellect that makes a person! Such is its hold. Its akin to the dark clouds covering up the sun upto as much an extent as to not let know if its day or night!

... and so passes another life!


Fighting for survival

Its well-known that a lamp's wick burns faster & brighter just before dying out! That is the lamp's way of saying "I'm dying, please help me out here!" Anyone willing to oil it up again can do so then. Similarly, the mind tries to yell out that its dying, if you try to ignore its cravings. Paying heed to such a cry is resurrecting the vaasanaa-s!

One should know that the mind tries to play all sorts of tricks to get back its food. It survives on vaasanaa-s. Not feeding the mind so, its bound to die. No matter what. It may still sip on and live weakly, one's not knowing. This is what is called as manolaya, meaning hardly any activity as if the mind's asleep. manolaya is also one of mind's trickery at work trying to voice it as if its dead. Someday later, it might just start off living on old memories or mostly in dreams. This is where Ramana Maharshi points out the seeming end, thats not to be. One needs to go beyond this stage and see to it that the mind goes over from manolaya to manonaasha, the latter being the death of the mind in the heart.

Till then, its just ghaTIyantraM punah punah: the neverending fight of the mind... for survival!

Life's reversal

( This was written in Sept, but published today)

aham brahmaasmi

(The 1st, 3rd & 4th stanzas were written in early Oct)

I am the light that shines
I'm the life that rhymes

I am the air thats breathed
I'm the space thats sheathed

I am the goal you seek
I'm the bliss you peek

I'm 'tween one & the other thought
And in me, they'll be driven naught

I am the Truth that is Self
And the only one you need to delve