Thoughts 80

80: Its possible to be alone only in the crowd, if you're crowded with thoughts when alone!

The Meaning

The meaning of life, says Alan Alda at the end of his biographical sketch, is life itself! Thats perfectly well put, I must say. Another one that I heard was that life is purposeless, in one discourse of Swami Nithyananda. Don't get it wrong, both mean the same thing, factually. One says that you're living as long as there's life and thats what brings in meaning to it, while the other says that no matter what you do, thats the most you'll ever know about life and its so-called secrets. No answers will ever be found to whys and hows and such. To that effect, life is purposeless too, since you may try to find something or the other to make you happy, run after something, run away from others, make something, break others, build some, ruin some, search, hunt, dig, but thats that. Its an abyss, that levels only to the same place that you begin, making the journey endless. The only way to find the source is to give up and say that neither do I know, nor will I ever do.

Jan 2008: Long-postponed MH trip

Its high time I make the long-postponed trip into Maharashtra, where I feel my Vitthala calls me now, after a long wail over years; a wait that has been a sob story in the cruel worldly life with the grossest of desires. I also know it would be a cleansing journey readying me for the righteous choice that I've been denying so far. The dip in the Urvadi is what I long for, with a darshan, at Pandharpur, of Panduranga Vitthala, that beautiful black deity that bestows jnAna to his beloved disciples, moving into their hearts and washing away the darkness with his all-illuminating presence! I also wish to bow at the lotus feet of my paramaguru Shri Samartha Ramdas Swami at Sajjangad, who thrashes all ignorance with his piercing words even in the simplest of his compositions, the Manache Shloka. I hope to get a glimpse of Truth there. Thats all I know I want to do this trip for; anything other than that would be an additional blessing for my path further. After the trip, when I return to wherever He may want me to go, I'd go happily... happier than now, I blissfully know so.

I cry my heart now for this sickly, impure, mortal bag of desires, to be invited onto this trip. May it happen this time, shri hari vitthalA; may it be Thy wish too, to accept me, for my eternal good.


Neither mine, nor for me

May it* perform all the rituals
And may it focus on the duels
Let even the passion for heavens be
Its neither mine, nor for me

May it gain pleasures, earning
And may it cry in pains, burning

Let even the lure for wealth be

Its neither mine, nor for me

May it eat to hearts content

And may it have health if its meant

Let even the taste for wine be

Its neither mine, nor for me

May it crave across generations
And may it even build many nations

Let even the lust for women be

Its neither mine, nor for me

May it create and destroy all that is

And may it claim over war and peace

Let even the (endless) chase for happiness be

Its neither mine, nor for me

May it renounce and live on alms

And may it wait for the bliss that dawns

Let the dreamer sleep and wake to see

Its neither mine, nor for me

*it = body, mind, intellect complex; that is, the insentient that feels sentient, but is not!

idam na mama

The Magic

After watching the movie The Prestige that Gourish sent me, a novel question crossed my mind: what is it that attracts us to magic?

Suppose you witness a trick that you never saw, thought of, or imagined, you'd be astonished, even dumbstruck, wouldn't ya? Whats the first thing that you'd ask then? Obviously, "How did he do it?" Even as a child, when an elder showed a simple trick, we'd think of it as magic and would love to know the *how* about it! I think the way the root cause of all fear is the fear of death, so too the root curiosity of hows behind all magic and all tricks, and also all that we want to learn and know, is the curiosity of wanting to know how *all this* began! The first magic is the magic of creation, the magic of existence. "How did He do it?" is the bigger question, that even so unconsciously for all, puts forth smaller amazements in question. The fact of the matter is that we do not stop learning after having learned just one trick or having known one thing. We want more knowhow, we're hungry of more knowledge. Why that is, is clear to me that we want to know the origin, the trick of creation. And until we've known that, all knowledge, all tricks are merely stepping stones towards It.

We'll not stop till we've solved the how of the greatest magic of all times, ever, eternally so... and from what I hear, the way knowing the secret of the magic trick makes that trick looks simply a child's play, so too after knowing the Truth, the creation looks like a child's play. No wonder the man laughs at his idiocy on having learnt that he's the Tenth, nay -- The One!

The Sony craze

My possessive Sony possessions started way back when I read Akio Morita first. :) As I recall, following were/ are my collections in Sony so far:

--Cassette Walkman
--Double cassette player and radio
--Mini HiFi
--Studio headphones
--CD and mp3 discman
--Cell phone with camera
--7MP digicam (recently gifted by Sriram)

Why, you may ask, and all I'll have to reply is: well, its a Sony!

The regretted past

When time's not right
Don't look back to fight
Hold no grudge
And don't you budge
Let it go loose
Tie your shoes
March ahead
Never feel dead
Trust the grace
Thats the ace
Its not due to you
Only Him, its true

For love of Hawkeye!

Sriram and I have, many times, been buying 2 copies of things that we liked, for each other. This time around, however, he decided to get me the best gift without duplicating it: a personally signed book (Things I Overheard while talking to myself) by Alan Alda, and his autobiography (Never have your dog stuffed) too! I'm going to be selfish and say that Sriram got his gift in meeting the charming Alda. :)

This is how I took pleasure in hearing out their meet:

Alda: Who's this book for?
Sriram: Its for my brother who introduced me to M*A*S*H and since then we've been big fans of it.
Alda: Where would you like my autograph?
Sriram: Right next to your picture. (He made sure that there were no typos by handing the exact words on a PostIt)
Alda: (signed so): -------------->

To Praveen R. Bhat

alan alda

It turned out to be the best gift from my best friend Sriram and the best actor that Alan Alda is, the Hawkeye I know.

Mindless ramble about problems

I'm fed up... with what, you may ask! You name it and I'm fed up with it! The govts, yes; the banks, yes; the employers, yes; travel, yes; stay, yes; people, yes; the routine, yes; time, yes; space, yes; life, oh yes!

I may have well gone nuts in all my interaction in the worldly. I may have even failed on all fronts. But its just that I don't care much that all things have been going wrong, wronging every now and then, that is, since almost two years, and finally, all at once now! This reminds me of the PSB song: Its a sin. Every bit that I've worked on in recent years, has taken a wrong turn. Simplest of things, too, have jumped to unsolvable complexities. Either something is wrong with me or something else is wrong with me! I don't even know if I wish I knew what it was! The world is seeming a deluded asylum, rather asylum-for-the-deluded, with possibly me being the only one who finds everything wrong with it! Obviously, as they say, when many things have been going wrong around ya, you're the one who's in the wrong! Thats how things are, I know. Even with all that I take from the world, be it this very air that I breathe to stay alive, I've nothing to return. I don't feel like, I can't; thats how thankless life has made me yet! Trying to do or undo something for the greater or smaller good has seen ridiculous turns, if not ends. It could only happen in a tragic movie.

I'm perhaps wanting to move from my own personal, selfish nonsensical problem, to a greater problem; from Socrates' individual to the State, if you will. Recently, I saw a documentary on global dimming. We've trapped ourselves into multiple problems since ages, that are graduating into a juggernaut: an all-at-once-unsolvability. Global dimming follows the global warming issue and they are no longer separate issues. You solve one and the latter becomes more drastic; you solve neither and it ends the world faster. You solve both together, hah, well tried! :) Even if we succeed there, something grave is going to pop up sooner than we can enjoy our selfish success. Thats how much we've managed to harm nature already! In The Matrix, Agent Smith puts it rightly so: "Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment humans do not. You move to an area...and you multiply... until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to... spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Humans beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet." I'm sure many of us would get offended by such a statement, but I'd be surprised if we can refute it!

I'm fed up... well, aren't we all?