Pak will nuke itself out of the map!

DNA ran an article that was headlined as "Nuke option to help keep India in check". I left a comment there which is the material for this blog.

Basically what Pak is announcing to India is: Even if we terrorize India (Mumbai)...
i) If you attack our space, we'll nuke you.
ii) If you attack our military, we'll nuke you.
iii) If you don't attack us, but voice your tragedy politically, we'll nuke you.
iv) If you don't attack us, but impose sanctions on us, we'll nuke you!!!

Interesting, very interesting indeed. It literally means, that Pakis will do whatever they like, but if India responds in any way, they'll nuke us! Do we have a choice now?

Pakis on their own couldn't develop nuclear bombs, but begged it from other countries. I'm sure that Pakis will nuke those sources too if they stop helping Pak. In the end, Pak will find a way to nuke itself out of the map. They are not only capable of it, but very deserving too; most certainly, they as a country are born with that intention.


Last week, my father's bhImarathA (70th year shAnti) was performed at our kuladevatA devasthAna. Interestingly, during mantrAkshata prasAda, one of the senior priests (SP1) gave me an AshirvAda that I always try to avoid. He invoked blessings to the effect that my marriage should take place within the year! Just when he was invoking blessings, I too invoked contrary blessings as to AjIvanabrahmacaryam cittashuddhiMca prAptirastu. Obviously, we got into a debate, as is my nature. The priest standing by immediately addressed SP1 and said that the Ashirvacana needs to be what I expect and not otherwise. To that, SP1 replied that he has already asked for an ashIrvAda, while I added that since I've asked something else, SP1's blessing didn't apply to me and we'll see as to which one my beloved Ganesha agrees to.

This discussion came to the forefront a bit later, when SP1 told SP2 as to what happened. I was warmed up from the previous discussion and said that I know a little bit, understand much less, but still I do know that for any Ashirvacana to work I need to have the saMkalpa, and if I don't have the latter, the former goes waste! The debate shifted to the four purushArthAs (dharmArthakAmamoksha) and four Ashramas (brahmacarya, grihasta, vAnaprasta and saMnyAsa) as per Vedas and the responsibility of the individual to follow those and bindings thereof. SP2 asked me if I knew those; I replied to confirm so. But, I went on, none of the people I know, at least those in my family tree, had taken to vAnaprastAshrama themselves, so they shouldn't even recommend marriage to me. Moreover, I said, to the person who has vivekavairAgya, these rules do not apply and as Kanchi paramAcArya, a jivanamuktA and a living God, Shri Chandrashekarendra Saraswati, wrote in his Hindu Dharma, such a person can go directly from brahmacarya to saMnyAsa instead; not only is this approved, but also shreshTa! Lastly, I said that my Guru, Bhagavan Shridhara Swami Maharaj, has Himself mentioned in clear terms in one of the pravacanAs that a guru that asks a person of vairAgya to go back to saMsAra is not a guru at all! SP2 agreed, while SP1 went mum, and the debate turned to a beautiful discussion on Bhagavatpada Adi Shankaracharya.

I found out later that SP2, who is in his mid-sixties, is himself a staunch brahmacAri!

shRtismRtipurANAnAm AlayaMkaruNAlayaM
namAmibhagavatpAdaM shankaraMlokashankaraM

Short temper

Hari Om!

Since nearly a month now, I've become extremely short tempered. Perhaps, physiologically, my blood pressure may be undergoing various changes too in the ways that I've tried to control my anger and failed! The sudden burst of anger seen now has really happened in a gradual manner. Over years, I've tried to control anger in various ways: humour, sarcasm, turning tables, silence, etc, but now it is beyond me. And what is it that makes me angry? Thus far, I'd trouble tolerating lies and had zero patience for nonsense. Apart from this, I dislike correcting the same mistakes of people; that is, I don't like to repeat things endlessly. The list has, by far, been growing. I was losing interest in almost everything worldly, not the technicality of the topics by themselves, but the people getting involved in it. For example, I'm okay with the talk that "stocks are not doing good", but not a following statement that "Mr. Abc is totally into shares" or "he has xyz investment" about others, etc. And this is precisely what people do; they start bringing in gossip, because they have no other better business. They seem to think that I've no better business either! I don't care what they think, but I don't want them to share it with me. So not only have I lost interest in worldly things and talk, but the worldly people themselves. I'm trying to find a solution to this and God willing, I'll have it in place soon. Till then, I'm trying to live my life by staying indoors as much as possible and keeping my phone off. I do get a few calls or old sms' when I switch on the phone for internet access, but I'm enduring them so far. Another reason to avoid meeting people in person/ on phone is to avoid fights; if I can't continue my sAdhana due circumstances or lack of satsanga, I'd rather spend my life in watching movies than confront these people who are a duHsanga.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them alone; I'm blaming myself too. What they do is their nature, what I do is mine... anger shouldn't be a part of my nature and hence the solution I'm trying. Even if I can't change myself, I can at least not waste my life getting angry at people I shouldn't be caring about in the first place! To each his own. :)

om tat sat


Hari Om!

(Written many months back with the intention to blog it on a Saturday... may have ended somewhat abruptly, but I think thats all I wanted to say. If I did want to say more, I'll try and say it some other time, but I'd like to blog it now since I recalled it on a ShanivAra. :) )
nilAnjana samAbhAsam raviputram yamAgrajam chAyAmArtanDa sambhUtam tamnamAmi shanaiscaram

Shani (Saturn) is a well known planet and among those who follow Hindu astrology, for them he's actually a star! Well, not the star in astronomical terms but in terms of the role that Shani plays in horoscopes. In mythology, Shani is the son of Surya (Sun) and brother of Yama (Lord of Death). Apart from the usual dashA and bhukti that each planet effects, Shani also has an additional seven and a half years of effect which repeats approx. every 30 years. During this period, it takes away most of the happiness that a person may be having and instead replaces that with tensions, delays in all sorts of works. Shani, in many cases, doesn't directly take life away but at most is responsible to indirectly cause death. That too in cases where no parihAra is made. Shani likes to be praised, like any other planet or diety for that matter. While some dieties cause trouble when the pujA is offered regularly and then stopped in between (that is, irregular pujA after a regular offering) or when pujA is offered improperly, Shani requires praise to be offered, else he will cause trouble. And mind you, its not just humans that Shani affects, he affects all living beings, inclusive of Brahma. There's a story about how Brahma was undergoing a phase of Shani influence and during the time, fell in love with a girl he had brought up, causing Shiva's anger and a battle. In this battle, Brahma bites Shiva's hand and in a fit of anger, Shiva tears away that head of Brahma! Thats why although Brahma originally had four heads, he's depicted with only three. Thats how disastrous Shani's influence could be. Shani has many stories associated with his glories too. For example, Shani was influential in Ravana's fall.

That was about Shani's negative effects. However, Shani has extremely positive results to give as well. Most so to friendly signs, of course, but to others as well who pray to him, submitting unto his terror and even offering devotion. Shani is not very difficult to please either. A simple stotra, part of navagrahastotram, as in the beginning of this blog suits him. An extremely benefiecial effect that Shani offers is for people who are inclined to spirituality. Having faced trouble during the sADesAti, if people who are even forced away from worldly things, take the opportunity to find interest in spiritual life, Shani does provide a way out. Most of us miss this golden moment and instead struggle to get the world back thats taken away by Shani. He's like the parent that takes away the toys and games of the child so that he takes to studying instead. A child that wastes time trying to get the toy back neither gets the toys, nor does he get a better studious life. Moreover, that child also displeases the parent by adamant behaviour, thereby causing more tension.

Om tat sat


Silence removes the cloud
From which rain words so loud
And through that I'm nearly done
With the harsh overture of creation
But do they ever let you be silent?
Or instead see your life as their vent?
You have no choice but to avoid
To live on with the blissful void!

Lost life

Life's worth a dime
Death is still a crime
Wasted enough time
Hasted through the rhyme
Sing along to be fine
None can see a loner shine
Pointless is that path
Causing useless wrath
Patience comes at a cost
Many a life is lost
... many a life is lost

Thoughts 95

95. Don't force me to be what you want me to be, else I may get forced to become what I want to be.

Mumbai again, terrorism again!

Recently, Mumbai was attacked *again* by trained terrorists, who had just crossed their teens perhaps! Thats the level of brainwashing that these terrorists got as kids to reach adolescence with suicidal terror attacks! This happened at Taj, Oberoi-Trident, Nariman house, CST station and other random places. God only knows the kind of training these inhuman, retarded, creeps get in order to lose all sense of right and wrong. Or else, the media pimps... the sick TV channels with their gang of reporters, who would do anything for money or brownie points... must know the training that terrorists get. We saw, years back on TV, how the terrorist camps train their men through interviews. Where the media reaches, our IB, police, military cannot? Oh, sure they can. They knew most of these training outfits back then; now growing in a number that increases by the day. Ergo, the need of the hour is a large-scale, war-like, cleansing operation; however, that operation being a war within and without!

This kind of media has sold themselves out to the politicians, underworld, terrorists, other countries; they don't have any conscience, nationality, love-of-motherland, none of that. They were showing the coverage live on how our combat was going on for the terrorists to be informed live by their friends watching TV, on how many people are entering from where, with what ammunition, the tactics used, etc. Its like a free information source for the enemy. They were truly the terrorists' *eyes* as the movie A Wednesday voiced. These reporters have no restraint, respect for the ATS, NSG, army, navy or any authorities. Its not for no reason that our Navy chief blasted these reporters.

We need not be US by calling wars as police action or compare everything to US by calling all terrorist attacks on us as "India's 911". What the heck is India's 911? Thats precisely what our media called it! India was a terrorist target since a long time and its story didn't change post 911. I do not understand this desperate need for India to get the world's attention; and by world, I mean US, since the other countries don't exist post US bombing Iraq, a war that went against UN approval! On one TV channel, an interviewer had Indian, Israeli, Pakistani and US/British authorities on a debate over "India being taken seriously by the world" over terrorist attacks. What a topic! Imagine a sovereign country needing approval from "other" countries to take action against terrorists bombing the country through and through, knowing well that the source of terrorism being the next door neighbour! Israeli security expert quite clearly said that no one's going to take India seriously, unless India takes itself seriously. That was from a country that walked the talk, always. He meant that what needs doing, needs to be done. Where does the question of others appreciating or according what you do arise to protect your countrymen?

Funnily enough, most of the TV channels called in to interview and opine who they thought were experts in the area: film makers!!!!! What is the authority of Mahesh Bhatt, Sanjana Kapoor and like on the subject??? Interestingly, Sanjana voiced that we shouldn't be calling it a war because in a war we know who's the enemy, here we don't. Well, did Sanjana know sitting in her cosy house that our security experts, on their toes at the moment, didn't know who the attackers were? In what capacity did she have such information? Of all the terrorist attacks made on India since Kashmir dispute, don't we know who's been behind them? Well, in any case, with or without the knowledge of people you were fighting, the scale was warlike and was in fact a war. If it wasn't, it should lead to one. How long will we try to tag ourselves as a country that never attacked anyone; although such a war would be a defence, not an attack? What did we gain for showing such resilience? More attacks, perhaps!

Both of these film/ stage personalities had the brains to blabber some more nonsense when faced with the question whether they'd agree to have more security checks at airports, etc. They said that there are ways to keep the security intact without additional individual checks or frisking! The only people who would refuse to be checked at critical entry points are the people who are involved in some kind of illegal or immoral activities or those that live secret lives for shameful reasons. There's no better explanation to it. Imagine the IQ level of people who voice such things, who do not want to give away some of their privacy for the safety of the country; also imagine the IQ level of the people who interview such people on the crucial matters such as India's safety! These people not only do not understand the meaning of democracy but also abuse the system. There's something that you can do to voice this... sign petition here please.

It was voiced by a British security expert that, just because the attackers are proven to have come from Pakistan, doesn't mean that Pakistan knew about it and is to be held responsible! Interesting; very absurd reasoning coming from a country that went ahead and bombed the life out of Iraq on account of WMDs and then "apologized" calling it a *bluff*, but interesting. The logic went on.. just because 911 terrorists were Saudi nationals didn't mean that US should attack Saudi. Wrong thinking, isn't it? What is important is not whether the country knows that their nationals are attacking others but whether they are housing their training camps, willfully still. If there's no cleansing of known outfits, its got to be willful support then. If there is willful support, there has to be a hand in terrorism.

Striking another chord, the religious vote-bank politics of not punishing the people that are held in a terrorist attack, let alone those that pop-up during follow-on investigations, has made the political power in this country stoop to such a disgusting level that no person in India feels safe when the country is led by such people, not only outside but even indoors! On one TV channel, the party in opposition was questioned for having searched for ideology and/ or religion behind terrorism here. The reply was interesting... I will name the person and party since I personally see it as the only hope for India's sane survival, it was BJP's spokesperson Chari. He replied that its incorrect not to talk of religion behind these terrorist attacks, since the very partition of the nation into two countries was on the basis of religion!!! See the irony?

I've just a couple more points to make, which is what I feel to be the somehow related and possibly the root cause of our insecure existence today. Our political system has given birth to a corrupt lifestyle not only among government servants at all levels from the peon to the highest, but also among regular public. Most of us will not care about what the repercussions are of a small immoral act for some kind of a bribe, be it sharing secure information from within the company/ institution, secrets of one another, lending a hand to steal, not being a responsible citizen by reporting first hand suspicious behaviour, not taking timely action on anything, or whatever. When we have to compare with countries, we should do so for their moral development... the country's worth lies in taking care of its own people, be it against other countries or the bad men within. We don't learn from countries such as US and UK that have less corruption or that they don't just lie about anything and everything the way we do! This kind of corrupt and untruthful behaviour is what poses a threat to graduate into a bigger unsolvable problem. A corrupt person at any level is a definite threat to the nation's security.

vande mAtaram

Vairagya series-1

Hari Om!
Over the next few blog entries, I'll try and write on some of the greatest stanzas from Vairagya Shatakam, a wonderful treatise of a hundred verses on vairagya that resulted from viveka, out of disgust of worldly things, of kAminikancan, to Bhartrihari, elder brother of King Vikramaditya. I've refered to the translation of Sw. Madhavananda of Ramakrishna ashram.
kshAntaM na kshamayA gRhocitasukhaM tyaktaM na saMtoSataH
soDhA duHsahashItavAtatapanakleshA na taptaM tapaH
dhyAtaM vittamaharnishaM niyamitaprANairna shaMbhoH padaM
tattatkarma kRtaM yadeva munibhistaistaiH phalairva~ncitAH (VS-6)

We've forgiven, but not out of forgiveness (but out of our incapacity to right our wrongs); we've renounced the comforts of home life, but not out of contentment after satisfaction (but as an exile from home in quest of riches); though we've suffered inclemencies of weather, cold and heat so difficult to bear, still they are not religious austerities that we've undergone; with subdued vital forces, night and day have we brooded on money and not on the feet of Siva; thus we've performed those very acts which the saints do perform, but of their good effects we've deprived ourselves.
We sin a great lot, but justify it to social order and circumstances and in comparison to others, we think of ourselves as a superior lot. With that thinking comes self-forgiving attitude to overlook all our wrongdoings and considering ourselves pure-hearted thence, instead of leaving the bad once and for all and taking to satsanga. Most of us, rather people like me, consider leaving home and hearth as a great sacrifice. But shameful as it is, its not done to be content with what little we may find outside home, but to earn riches and better home into luxurious living. Even so, the temperature variations that we cope up with in our yearning for more money has nothing to do with titikshA that needs to be developed in seeking the feet of the Lord. Bhartrihari then goes on to say that we've done in bits all that saints do but with a pathetic intention and therefore, neither does it term as any kind of tapas nor does it bring good results.
om tat sat

Justuju jiski thhi

While going through some old backed up data, I found the song Justuju jiski thhi from Umrao Jaan. I don't remember having heard this song at all earlier, but I liked it so much as to listen to it over and over again. For some reason, I feel this song also talks of my wasted life in the past 2-3 years. There's a difference in how I listen to songs versus the way others do, perhaps, wherein I see the philosophical depth of the song even where it doesn't belong. Bilgi, a friend of mine, once said that he listens even the love songs as if they were dedicated to Sai! This is akin to the Sufi culture where the Lord is perceived as the beloved.

Justuju jiski thhi usko toh na paayaa humne
Is bahaane se magar dekh li duniyaa humne
Justuju jiski thhi...

Tujhko rusvaa na kiyaa khud bhi pashemaan hue
Ishq ki rasm ko is taraah nibhaayaa humne
Justuju jiski thhi...
Kab mili thhi kahaan bichdi thhi hume yaad nahi

Zindagi tujhko toh bas khwaab mein dekhaa humne
Justuju jiski thhi...
Ae adaa aur sunaaye bhi toh kyaa haal apnaa
Umra kaa lambaa safar tay kiyaa tanhaa humne

Justuju jiski thhi...

Strange and contradictory as it may seem to the above song, I also came across another song that stands for the ray of hope for each and every individual on his journey. I came across this song, Woh subah kabhi toh ayegi, first in the movie Sangharsh (where the villain sings it) and didn't know that it originally belongs to Phir Subah Hogi. The song goes as:

Woh subah kabhi toh aayegi
Woh subah kabhi toh aayegi
In kaali sadiyon ke sar se
Jab raat ka aanchal dhalkegaa
Jab dukh ke baadal pighlenge
Jab sukh ka saagar chalkegaa
Jab ambar jhuumke naachegaa
Jab dharti nagme gaayegi
Woh subah kabhi toh aayegi
Woh subah kabhi toh aayegi

Jis subah ki khaatir jug jug se

Hum sab mar markar jeete hai
Jis subah ke amrit ki dhun mein
Hum jeher ke pyaale peete hai
In bhuuki pyaasi ruuhon par
Ek din toh karam farmaaegi
Woh subah kabhi toh aayegi
Woh subah kabhi toh aayegi

Maana ke abhi tere mere

Armaano ki keemat kuch bhi nahi
Mitti kaa bhi hai kuch mol magar
Insaano ki keemat kuch bhi nahi
Insaano ki izzat jab jhuute
Sikko mein na toli jaayegi

Woh subah kabhi toh ayegi
Woh subah kabhi toh ayegi

Thoughts 94

94. The mind is trained by freewill in the waking hours, by destiny (karma) in dreams and is put to rest in deep sleep.

Terrorism in India

(In case you come across any suspicious activity, any suspicious movement or have any information to tell to the Anti-Terror Squad, please take a note of the new ALL INDIA TOLL-FREE Terror Help-line '1090'(Please reconfirm this no. in your area, you may end up calling Senior Citizens' Helpline instead! Delhi Police lists this as an ATS helpline while Mumbai and Bangalore use it for senior citizens! As usual, communication-gap between different states). Your city's Police or Anti-Terror squad will take action as quickly as possible. Remember that this single number 1090 is valid all over India.

This is a toll free number and can be dialed from mobile phones. The identity of the caller will be kept a secret.

Please try to make every citizen of India aware about this facility

I don't remember when I picked the newspaper last and didn't see terrorists blast off a city or town area in India! Some months back, it was Jaipur, Bangalore, Gujarat, some weeks before, it was Delhi, yesterday, Gujarat and Maharashtra, and just now its Tripura!!! There is something seriously wrong with India... make that the Indian govt. There's no use in blaming terrorists if we can't do anything to secure Indian lives and property. The world woke up on 911; India has had so many 911s and of even many times the impact thereof, but now it looks like we've got habituated to it. However, that we don't believe in going to war shouldn't mean we can't do things on a war footing. In fact, its time we treat terrorism as a topmost priority and start budgeting towards *eliminating* it. I've always felt that India has more security issues within than at borders. Anyway, even having tight border security is no use if we have such loose refugee policy; India is becoming a refugee camp of sorts, not only helping those in need, but even those who want to contribute to bombing India apart! Also what good is reaching out a helping hand to neighbours so that they can find work and a place to stay in India, never to return back, and pushing more Indian nationals jobless and possibly even leaving some of them to be exploited by terrorists, gangsters and naxalites? Its just a thought to ponder on. We have never been a country that attacked anyone for any gain and have always retaliated in dire straits. But we know from history of having been looted and raped to no end by invaders after offering help, refuge, a friendly gesture, etc, over centuries by French, British, Portuguese, Greeks, Afghanis, etc. The new age invasion is similar, but the mechanism in which the country is taken to ruins is different. Then the demarcation of enemies was clear, now its difficult to identify the enemy within. Then we had a culture to be proud of, to protect, and that culture helped identify those outside the culture indicating the enemy. Now, our culture is lost due to repeated invasion by many, in many ways, some even unknown to the new generations due to rotten history books we were and are schooled in, that are full of lies and cooked-up stories by the poisonous Western minds then such as Max Muller, William Jones, Macaulay, Mountbatten, etc. They were no less than today's terrorists, since they laid the foundation of damage by taking away the Indian culture, albeit standing apart as a different populace.

And do yourself a favour; at least watch a movie called A Wednesday, a Hindi movie starring Naseeruddin Shah and Anupam Kher. I did guess how the movie would turn out to be in the very beginning, but still that made me watch it twice already. The dialogues do bring back feelings that most Indians carry within themselves, wake up to voice them every time there is a terrorist act (like I do this with blog now) and then sleep again, be it "by force or choice" [sic], thanks to the useless, good-for-nothing, govt of India. For some, it could be an eye-opener; for me, it wasn't since I myself have extreme opinion of everything in life. To me, a terrorist like Afzal is not to be fed on tax payers' monies behind bars. If the govt doesn't have the guts to do the right thing, we'd rather throw away the entire legal system, if there is one still left in India, and get back to barbarian society of jungle raj.

Its not too late to learn from Israelis on how to protect themselves, and at least train each Indian the military way compulsorily for a few years, both to prepare the individual as well as for one to learn to respect India and everything Indian.

guru AgyA

Here's one of Pandit Jasraj's renderings that I liked: guru AgyA.
Raga: Sindh Bhairavi

guru AgyA mein nisa dina rahiye
guru AgyA mein nisa dina rahiye
jo guru cAhe jo guru cAhe so hi so hi kariye
guru AgyA mein nisa dina rahiye...

guru ki mahimA aparamapAra
akshara om mein karata vihAra
guru caranana vraja mastaka dhariye
bhavasAgara hasa-hasake tariye
guru AgyA mein nisa dina rahiye...

Shauk hai

Some months back, I think way back in Jan, Smita-di had sent me a song. I'd heard it back then once and I didn't particularly give attention to the lyrics. Or maybe the mood was quite different to notice those lyrics. However, while backing up some data off the laptop today, I came across this song. And I think I heard it some 6 times back to back already! So here's thanking di for the song yet again. AFAIK, the song is from the movie Guru, try it some time.

raat kaa shauk hai
raat ki saundhi si
khamoshi kaa shauk hai
O shauk hai O shauk hai
subah ki roshani
bejubaan subah ki O gungunaati
roshani kaa shauk hai
O shauk hai O shauk hai
sansani naavalon kaa
ishq ke baavalon kaa
sansani naavalon ishq ke baavalon
barf se khelte
baadalon kaa shauk hai
kaash ye zindagi khel hi khel mein kho gayi hoti
raat kaa shauk hai
O shauk hai O shauk hai

neend ki goliyon kaa
khwaab ki loriyon kaa
neend ki goliyan khaab ki loriyan
bejubaan O uski
boliyon kaa shauk hai
kaash ye zindagi bin kahe bin sune so gayi hoti
subah ki roshani bejubaan subah ki O gungunaati
roshni kaa shauk hai
O shauk hai O shauk hai

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

For a while now, I've been staying indoors and trying to do nothing much at all that I intended to do. Instead I'm even taking a break from this journey that hasn't begun yet! In this break, I intend to continue as long as I can set a discipline of putting the entire past behind me and begin a new schedule of things. This plan is going to be untied to any of the plans anyone made. Getting back to the break... I've been watching a lot of movies, those that I had in a bunch of DVDs that I carried while wandering in the over past two wasted years and those that I collected during the time from various sources. These make up the reruns. Add to that the new ones that I find every few days. Anyways, today I reran Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi, a movie that left a mixed impression on me the first time I saw it. Other than known reasons for which the movie received critical acclaim, that I liked as well, I hated it for the unnecessary carnal relations painted onto the character of the female lead. Today too, it left back a similar feeling. But apart from that a new thing came to my mind: most of the lives are screwed up by circumstances and wrong decisions that one regrets in life, having no way of going back. Thats the saddest part for some. For others, like me, for example, the saddest part is that they don't regret the past, but a future that is bleak based on a wasted present! In their hands lies the future, but they can't work on it due to circumstances that they are tied to, bound by and responsible for, themselves! So what are they to do then? I wish I'd answers. Some I know feel that I do have all the answers. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Till I find and act on my own answers, here's a lovely song Bawra mann from the movie... (I just read this while publishing and I realize that I sounded like an RJ there) :)

Bawra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bawra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bawre Se Mann Ki Dekho Bawri Hain Baatein
Bawre Se Mann Ki Dekho Bawri Hain Baatein
Bawri Si Dhadkaane Hain, Bawri Hain Saansen
Bawri Si Karwaton Se, Nindiya Door Bhaage
Bawre Se Nain Chaahe, Bawre Jharokhon Se, Bawre Nazaron Ko Takna
Bawra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bawre Se Is Jahan Main Bawra Ek Saath Ho

Is Sayani Bheed Main Bas Haathon Mein Tera Haath Ho
Bawri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bawra Ek Raag Ho
O, Bawri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bawra Ek Raag Ho
Bawre Se Pair Chahen, Bawre Tarano Ke, Bawre Se Bol Pe Thirakna
Bawra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bawra Sa Ho Andhera, Bawri Khamoshiyan
Bawra Sa Ho Andhera, Bawri Khamoshiyan
Thartharati Lo Ho Maddham, Bawri Madhoshiyan
Bawra Ek Ghoonghta Chahe, Haule Haule Bin Bataye, Bawre Se Mukhde Se Sarakana
Bawra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Quoting Phaedrus

(Originally noted a few months back in a repeat reading of Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, I've nothing more to add since the author of the book puts it perfectly well)

Mountains like these and travelers in the mountains and events that happen to them here are found not only in Zen literature but in the tales of every major religion. The allegory of a physical mountain for the spiritual one that stands between each soul and its goal is an easy and natural one to make. Like those in the valley behind us, most people stand in sight of the spiritual mountains all their lives and never enter them, being content to listen to others who have been there and thus avoid the hardships. Some travel into the mountains accompanied by experienced guides who know the best and least dangerous routes by which they arrive at their destination. Still others, inexperienced and untrusting, attempt to make their own routes. Few of these are successful, but occasionally some, by sheer will and luck and grace, do make it. Once there they become more aware than any of the others that there’s no single or fixed number of routes. There are as many routes as there are individual souls.

Expectations from life

Hari Om!

(Originally written a couple of weeks back)

Its stupid to expect that life has anything to offer at all. I don't necessarily mean that in a negative sense, but it ain't optimistic either. The optimists are prone to shocks like no one else, while the pessimistic miss all the fun and adventure. There's a realistic line that one needs to draw, cross over it knowingly for all the fun and just not have hopes high. If the hope was low, you're in for a pleasant surprise when something good comes your way. You'll have readied for the bad news anyway. Of course, its said in the adage Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, but thats not really what I mean. Give up that living on hope and instead *just* live. Plain living, no add ons of hope, make it much better. It wastes no time in planning post failures. Have plans, not that you need none, but have more than one. Contingency planning is more important than the original blueprint since you've got to be just too lucky to get everything right the first way everytime. Just switch plans when things go wayward and dump everything and go on a new unplanned plan if they go haywire. But just work towards the goal. As long as the direction is right, the pace is immaterial.

Why want anything?

Hari Om

(Originally written a couple of weeks back)

I wrote something like this in an entry on boredom much earlier on, but here's the deal. The trap set is an abyss; there's no easy getting out. In fact, its just easing you in more and more and then some more. An unsolvable mystery, something that you're trying to solve, yes, but you don't even know the question clearly. Its vague. Its out there, its felt, its within, still we don't know. Imagine no shadow while in the sun, can you? Its something like that, always with you. But, across lives, you've got yourself zilch!

Its a crazy life if you spend a little time with yourself and watch your mind crave for anything, be it a little, be it unimportant, be it just, or not! Why want any thing, or be it any person? Why have more people in your life, why possess more things than what you are already stuck with, having a choice or not? Need a good friend, a shoulder to cry on, a beautiful wife, loving children, parents forever, all the things that bring pleasure? Just so that it makes life easier to live with! It helps forget that we're alone. All of us. Individuals. So much so that you can't even try to stay alone while asleep. The freaky mind goes ahead and dreams people and things that it couldn't satisfy itself with during the waking hours! More wants, more craving. But, mind ya, the happiness still isn't there out in the dreams either! Where does the mind find it then, but in sleep? Try living an insomniac's life for a while and you'll know exactly what I mean. The mind gives up hunting nonsense after a long fed, unquenchable, hunger of wants and finds solace in the deepest of sleep when truly left to oneself. That, my friends, is the non-craved, want-free world of the Self. Thats what we all are searching in things and people, in relations, in quarrels, in love, in sensual pleasures. Having such an unstoppable love towards the deep sleep state, strangely enough, we all are scared of the longest and the best of all sleeps, an ironic fear of death!

Back to wants, forget others for an instant, lets take the selfish gene: me. Why want money, land, a house, a garden? Just because I can put a fence around an area where I can live with myself, deprived of the world of pleasure and pain? But what about the crooked mind that I've to live with? How am I gonna tame it, if at all it is tamable? They say, by meditation. But God only knows what meditation is, its sitting in a corner, fencing yourself from the mind too. And then, you're stuck with another piece of junk that comes up, and you fence it, and then you've another and yet another and its ad infinitum. Wouldn't it be frustrating then? You've isolated yourself from the world of wants, but all that is within you, within the confines of yourself! The money and land that comes deservingly, comes without pain. If it pains, its coming with a feeling of guilt, cutting into a bigger piece of a pie when others are starving; its like stealing!

So what am I saying here? That there's no happiness in the world out there as we know and there's no success in the world within that we're trying to know? No. What I'm saying is that as long as you regret what you're doing, be it in the world outside or that inside, the mind will always want you to change things as they are and then its all gone. The change will come in the form of a want and that want, unmet, will be a craving. Once it craves, you don't have the want anymore, the want has you! Instead, let it go. If the change imposes itself, go with the flow, carelessly. Then the change is no longer a want, its a happening. Don't hang on to even meditation, its just another drug then. As much as you want it, its not meditation anymore. Meditation is a happening, you can't resist it, it flawlessly flows. Else its a hypnosis, self-imposed, nonsense, fooling others and yourself. Pray. Not for anything in particular. Pray because you have to. No attachments, nothing, a prayer. A prayer for yourself, since you're part of that everything: vasudhaiva kuTumbakam; not a selfish prayer meant for yourself alone: sah vIryaM karvAvahai. Don't hold on to the today, turning into yesterday. Things *always* shape up the way they're meant to be. Let go and let it pass. Someday, the coming tomorrow will have in its hands, a deserving break, a break from all shackles. Till then, live unto this sickening world so that you can die unto it, painlessly, effortlessly, with pleasure, with bliss, the point of no return.

Need for a Guru

Hari Om

First and foremost, a Guru needs to be defined before one can discuss anything on Guru. One of the popular and easy to comprehend definitions is:

gukAraschAndakArohi rukArastejocyate
aj~nAnagrAsakaM brahma guroreva na saMSayaH
The literal translation would be: the akshara Gu is said to be darkness and Ru as light; the brahman that swallows the ignorance is, doubtlessly, the Guru.

That is, the way the Sun can be said to swallow the darkness, at dawn, similarly the Guru can be said to swallow the darkness of ignorance of the disciples, and help in the dawn of knowledge. In other words, the brahman being the whole of what exists, including the dark ignorance and the opposite of it, the light, the Guru who has known That, the brahman, is the Guru who removes the ignorance of disciples.

Now that we've looked at how a Guru is defined, we could also look at how tradition qualifies the Guru: shrotriya and brahmanishTa say the shAstrAs. What that means is that the Guru is one who must be well-read in the scriptures and should have realized the Truth. Without both of these qualifications, the disciple is not guaranteed to realize himself. What it also means that if the person is realized, but not well-read, he can end up confusing the disciple, while if he's a scholar but has not experienced brahman, he cannot impart anything useful to the disciple in mokshamArga.

Today, one can imagine how utterly difficult it is to find a Guru then and instead one must live on the hope that when the disciple is ready, the Guru will appear! This has been well-known, anyway. But what I'm trying to get at is the following. If the Guru is so difficult to find and one has to just live with hope, then what chance does one have, how wherefrom will the seeker get any inspiration? This is readily understood if one tries to gather the above things that we learnt about who the Guru is in terms of definition and qualifications and think on the lines of what brahmaj~nAna means, what moksha actually is! This is what we'll consider next. Its not at all complicated, for one, I've always seen this clearly. And its not hope. In fact, its guaranteed, with faith, a little understanding and will. Anything other than that would be wrong. Why wrong is ... well, maybe a little later. Now, to understand moksha.

Moksha is understood by all of us as that which clears us from the miserable shackles of birth and death. While brahmaj~nAna is explained as another term for moksha, the Upanishads say:

brahmavid brahmaiva bhavati
The knower of brahman becomes brahman

As in, becomes One with it, or knows that he has always been That. This means that the jivanamukta, one realized while being in the body-mind-intellect trio is brahman Itself. It doesn't matter for this person, who is a person only in the sense that others know him so, but is brahman. This is what acts in the Guru's qualification of being a brahmanishTa. If this Guru bodily passes on, or stays in the body, doesn't matter to Him. In fact, it shouldn't matter to the disciple too! Turned the other way round, it means that as long as you have access to Guru's shrotriyata, from what you've heard off him, in recordings, writings, or in any form, his brahmanishTatva is available all the time, even on his leaving the body! And that is your Guru, you don't need to have a Guru in the mortal body.

I've another argument. Imagine having a Guru as defined and qualified earlier on. While following him as a disciple and all that he teaches, if he dies, should the disciple go on to look for another Guru, that he spent lives in finding? Obviously, that would be ridiculous. A good, sincere, disciple would still continue with the Guru's teachings, pray the Guru, and realize by that sheer knowledge and grace which always shines. When in trouble, the Guru would come to his rescue, the way he used to earlier while in the body!

My Gurudatta, Bhagavan Sridhara Swamiji, himself took Samartha Ramdas as his Guru and followed his teachings to reach moksha, so I've not even an iota of doubt that this is the correct approach. Now to conclude why people who think that a Guru in mortal body is necessary are dead wrong. They are contradicting the basic principle of Guru being brahman, since brahman is omnipresent, with or without body. That same brahman blesses them with the knowledge only in the form of Guru.

The Guru is also sarvadhi sAkshi bhUtam like Ishvara as is said in:

yasya deve parAbhaktir yathA deve tathA gurau
The disciple must have the same bhakti towards the Guru that he has towards God.

Sadly, these are the people who will be giving up their seeking if and when their Guru passes on, if they hold on to such illogical understanding!

So, I'll end this topic by building up some thoughts on what Bhagavan Ramana, another of my Gurus, said about Guru. He said that the Self itself is the Guru, it pulls the seeker from within towards one's own Self and if need be, manifests itself in form(s) outside to push the disciple towards Self. The Guru is nothing but the manifestation of the Self, that is brahman, for the benefit of the disciple. And truly, what it is, is that everything around us is a Guru, its Guru rupa, the entire nature itself turns to be a Guru if one really tunes into it. Since it is brahmaiva kevalam, only brahman, nothing else exists.

Lets end with a prayer, shall we? For a change, we'll use a song:

bina sadguru apNo nahi koi
ko yeh raha batAve
kahat kabIra suna bhai sAdho
sapNe mein pritam Ave

--Kailash Kher in the song Naiharwa.


RFC-1: Humorous Issues in Managerial (aka Damagerial) Behavior

I realize that its been a long while that the mood on the blog has not changed. So here's lightening it.

Following is an RFC that my friend and I wrote regarding our managers back at our workplace earlier. It was lost in mails and came back to life only few weeks back when I found it incomplete in email archives and started building on it, exchanging mails again for the other chap to fill it up. The company's name has been asterisked out so that the managers remain unidentified. I don't want to end up jeopardizing any career that they may have. Anyway, I do hope that you enjoy reading it. As usual, anything that is unpleasant between a managed "entity" and his manager is for *mature audiences* only. So you'll kindly excuse yourself if you're unwilling to read some rare curse words or excuse me if you decide to read it. :) RFC is a technical term in the networking world, meaning Request For Comments and in simple layman terms, its some kind of a draft document, before becoming a proposal/ standard kind of thing. If you've read any RFC before, this will be more fun to read, since we've maintained the format and language so.

Network NotWorking Group: Ex-****** Working Group
Request for Comments: -1 A couple of LFMs (See section 1.1 below)

Obsoletes : Nothing Feb 2006, Aug 2008
Category : Informational

Humorous Issues in Managerial (aka Damagerial) Behavior

1.0 Status of this Memo
1.1 Terminology
2.0 Background
3.0 Introduction to the RP series
3.1 The WAP mobile "whitepaper" issue
3.2 The OOPs seminar issue
3.3 The multiple main functions issue
3.4 The coding-enthusiasm issue
3.5 The Shivaji issue
3.6 The "FO" issue
4.0 Introduction to the DL series
4.1 The "Chu****" issue
4.2 The tak-tak-tak and "hey" issue
4.3 The Unix coder issue
4.4 The what about... issue
4.5 The test and correction issue
4.6 The Project Proposal issue
4.7 The "whats he writing?" issue
4.8 The "Sheep" issue
5.0 Introduction to others
5.1 The "anything about anything" issue
5.2 The nap scenes issue
5.3 The "what happened?" issue
5.4 The cup issue
6.0 Reference
6.1 Appendix 1: Individual memories
6.2 Appendix 2: Lost WAP mobile whitepaper

1.0 Status of this Memo

This memo presents the results of an ex-working group on Managerial Behavior. This RFC is for your information and you are encouraged to comment (and even correct, extend, add) on the issues presented. Distribution of this memo is unlimited.

1.1 Terminology

This document uses the following terms:
o "LFM"
The acronym LFM stands for "looking-for-more" and is used to refer to the engineers who worked at ******/*******

o "RP"
Refers to one of the managers who made this document possible.

o "DL"
Refers to another manager who made this document possible.

o "NCST"
The acronym NCST stands for "National Centre for Software Technology" in Bombay/Mumbai.

The acronym PGDST stands for "Post-Graduate Diploma in Software Technology" and refers to a program at NCST

The acronym WAP stands for "Wireless Application Protocol"

The acronym LDAP stands for "Lightweight Directory Access Protocol"

2.0 Background
To owe it to all those who have actually been through the torture of working head-to-wall, er... shoulder-to-shoulder, with ******'s project managers of infinite wisdom, an ad-hoc working group was assembled to bring out a document that records as many humorous incidents that were witnessed during the tenure of association with the above-mentioned mahaanubhaavs/personalities. Okay, enough formalizing the thing, cutting to the chase, here goes...

3.0 Introduction to the RP series
The great RP, whom atleast one NCST's PGDST candidate must be cursing somewhere for eating away his seat and causing personal insult over the injured NCST image, was the first project damager of good ol' ******. He started unintentional sabotage with the LDAP client that was nearly in the test phase.

3.1 The WAP mobile "whitepaper" issue

RP did not have anything to do and he thought that he should focus on upcoming technologies, in hiding! During the time, one of the LFMs began jumping channels on the network and bingo, found trove in the form of a checked-in file (it may have well been on a shared folder on RP's machine; author's memory needs help, if available in this context). This file was a gem called "The WAP whitepaper" that started with a FAQ and ended so too! There were questions such as "Does ****** *sale* mobile phones?" with answers such as "No, we are into blah blah blah" and keywords such as "WAP mobile" that was equated to Batman's "bat mobile" by another LFM. Unfortunately, this document was lost over time and the only thing the authors remember is that the document was nowhere close to any whitepaper whatsoever and nor did it have anything to do with WAP. It has been concluded by the authors that any A4 paper out of a stationary shop would do more justice to the subject as a technical whitepaper than this one did!

3.2 The OOPs seminar issue
From suggestions, there started a phase when, based on drawn chits, people were chosen to conduct Friday evening seminars on topics of their choice. On a lucky day, RP spoke on OOPs to the benefit of all fun-loving people. There were other serious debates on blabbered nonsense, but nevertheless the speech continued to down-to-earth parallel of OOPs, targeted towards simpletons, perhaps. To recollection, this is how it went:

"Understanding OOPs is very simple. Whenever I think about OOPs I see *balls*... (everyone is shocked and control laughter almost hiding under the billiards/pool table, that was used as a meeting table, when not used for games or lunch! As if that sentence was not enough, the presenter continues...) big, big, balls, flying over in the air and interacting with each other... (no one possibly remembers anything after this)"

A humble request to all is that this incident be kept in secret lest it might fall in Grady Booch's hands. The authors are gravely concerned of this document posing a risk to the extent of the father of OOPs commiting suicide, then!

3.3 The multiple main functions issue
Ah, the technical game. RP suddenly grew interested in the buzzword of ******: LDAP. The internal project then was in the test phase and he found a good opportunity to pick up domain knowledge to present some use to ****** and the LDAP client team. Against lot of objections, RP swam through to set up VC++ on his PC and began building the checked-in code for testing. In minutes, an LFM got a call ordering him to go over to RP's desk due to questionable, build-failing, check-ins! Again, in minutes, the problem was solved, with LFM muttering: RTFM (a readme file checked-in had specifically asked the case-by-case adding of test wrapper files, *individually* before building). Our man was building with all test files, each with its own main function, *together*! There were, in essence, many main functions in the damager's workspace, failing the build.

3.4 The coding-enthusiasm issue
In a similar fervor as above, RP once dared into the LFMs' area, during the peak of coding phase. He announced in long-withheld enthusiasm so:

RP: Achha hai tum log coding karte ho. Main, chahte hue bhi, coding nahi kar sakta!

LFM: Kyun? Apko kisne roka hai? Karo code.

RP: Ha! (laughing) Main coding karunga toh program management kaun karega?

LFM: Aise hi karna hai na? Main kar lunga na!

RP returned to his basement cage, subdued, not to return many times again.

3.5 The Shivaji issue
RP and DL, more often than not, used to share a rickshaw on Friday afternoons to start early weekends. One such Fri, an LFM spotted RP stranded alone on the bus stop and here's the scene:

LFM: RP, DL kuthe ahe? (ek-vachan)

RP: DL kuthe *ahe* nahi, DL kuthe *ahet*? (bahu-vachan)

LFM: Kyun? Woh kya Shivaji hai kya? Uska chhod, tu Shivaji hai kya?

3.6 The "FO" issue
One of the recurring fights between an LFM and RP amounted to this. The topic of discussion was whether or not someone who was new to LDAP be allowed to test LDAP client. The discussion shuffled to literal translations leading to filmi dialogues such as "tu apne maa ke paet se toh LDAP sikhkar nahi aya tha na? and "No, RP, anyone can test it, but you can't". Finally, the fight ended when the LFM lost his temper and yelled out in the basement "FO". It remained a much-admired scene for many!

4.0 Introduction to the DL series

4.1 The "Chu****" issue
There was a time when DL went to the ****** basement among many engineers, including a couple of girls. Trying to be his normal self, DL used the oft used Hindi word Chu**** during office hours in an official chat. Everyone was stunned, of course. One LFM took the matter seriously and reported it to the technical director. The director was all ears till he heard DL's name pop up and the usage; his reaction was "Oh! DL? He said that?" He smiled and a little later he laughed. Thats that.

4.2 The tak-tak-tak and "heyyyyy" issue
Usually, project meetings with DL were an utter waste of time. Over time, LFMs learned that the project is not at all technical. Once, DL was serious about how everyone must take down notes about the project progress and what they did at work. DL was often expressive.

This time around, he said "Take down points, it will help you. Some day you'll look at it (pointing the index finger):
tak (finger moving to next point)
tak (finger moving to next point)
tak (finger moving to next point) and
heyyyyy (finger theatrically pointing at an LFM) !"

Many of us didn't know what he was saying, it was just another day, meeting or no meeting of course. However, we realized later he meant "go through the points and you'll know where you went wrong".

4.3 The Unix coder issue
DL seemed frustrated one fine day and decided to vent it out. Perhaps it was the day when the directors voiced out in one way or the other
to DL how big a mistake it was that they hired him. To vent it out, he found a project member and went on about what all he has worked on. The LFM listening had no clue as to whats happening. Then DL said what he shouldn't have; he said that he has coded a lot of Unix stuff, and to the authors' recall he mentioned the Linux kernel! "No," the LFM thought, "not the Linux kernel please". Its quite possible that DL didn't know that the ongoing project was very much on Linux. But DL may have sensed it from LFM's looks, because he immediately backed out by saying that its been long though.

4.4 The what about... issue
Amid a lot of things going on in the project, DL made his sudden appearance and while blabbering other nonsense on project status, he suddenly uttered "And what about yours, LFM?" The LFM who was spoken to and other LFMs took a good while to understand the intended meaning, but they just couldn't stop laughing later. The poor LFM who was asked the difficult question answered as follows:

"Mine is in CVS".

4.5 The test and correction issue
During the alpha and beta phases, the project was short of hands. All the LFMs who had any time on hands were to be made available to this project. DL wanted it happen and his way of putting other people in the project was to put them to test jobs. To explain that new additions to the team should test the code to speed up bug fixing, he managed to put it in some golden words so: "LFM test and (pointing to another LFM) he correct"

The LFMs who were present did not understand at first and were wondering who was correct and who was wrong. It was finally understood after a lot of discussion that what he meant was that one LFM would test the code and another LFM would fix any bugs that were found. "He correct" became a legendary and frequently used phrase in ****** after that.

4.6 The Project Proposal issue
DL was once given a job of doing something that his designation involved, making a project proposal (PP)! DL knew he was not really capable to come up with a quotation and things like that. Somehow he had made the initial draft and having made it, he called an LFM to have a look-see. Actually, the LFM had nothing to do with the project and wasn't even to know of the proposal! DL insisted for the LFM to verify and suggest changes in the PP. It had details including no. of engineers, the rates, etc, among technical things. Finally, the LFM had to say it upfront that he'd only look at technical things in the PP and will have nothing to do with the commercial aspect!

4.7 The "whats he writing?" issue
In one of the project meetings, one LFM was writing a lot of notes while DL was talking. Another LFM had no clue of what is so important to write down in DL's bulls***ing. Of course, DL was happy that someone's making note of his nonsense. After the meeting the LFM explained that he wasn't taking meeting notes but he'd found a good way to kill time during the DL meetings. And that was by noting the funny phrases from DL's talk so that someday it can make it to a book called "DL's English".

4.8 The "Sheep" issue
DL called one of the LFMs for his performance evaluation and was showing him the word document on the screen. The LFM was going through the document and noticed the word "sheep" in the middle of the document. The LFM was in absolute shock. Yes, IT was going through difficult times after the dot com bust but "sheep" ? After re-checking, the sentence was found to be "He will take complete OWNER SHEEP". The most amazing part is that this document was run through the word spelling and grammar check by DL. Word did not find any errors in this sentence. The authors checked and found that Microsoft Office Word 2003 SP3 also finds this sentence to be correct. DL not only made grammatical mistakes but made it in such a fashion that the tools to check and correct mistakes could not catch them !!

5.0 Introduction to others
****** had its share of funny engineers, clients and visitors. The engineers were funny by habit, caring not much of how they present themselves at times. The clients were a tough bunch, because there weren't many yet. The ones who had telecons with members from US had to witness DL not understanding much of what they are saying. Even in client mails, DL couldn't understand much and had LFMs explain the meaning to him in response to DL's common question following the client's mail:

Hyala ithe kay mhanaychay? (what is he trying to say here?)

****** had a wonderful visitor who made up for all those who didn't visit ******, which can be seen in the immediately following 5.1!

5.1 The "anything about anything" issue
Once ****** had a visitor from a high-profile client at Bangalore. The technical director knew that the team was facing some issues understanding some technical things in the client's product. Obviously, he suggested that the team should get all blocks cleared from this expert, the chap who was a well-placed manager at the client's side. So the team went on asking him a few questions that he had no answers for. But to everyone's shock, the visitor explained his issue instead. He said "You can ask me questions, but I don't know anything about anything". The LFMs didn't know what to say, but the technical director did; he said "Oh!" and then went on to perhaps think "I know the kind. We have two such people, DL and RP".

5.2 The nap scenes issue
There was an engineer at ****** who was used to taking it easy when he liked. He had clear ideas on the matter of sleep: when sleepy, sleep. Forget work, answer no phones either. So the fella was taking his usual afternoon nap, when his extension rang. Obviously, he didn't pick it up, but another LFM did. It was the tech. director who wanted the sleeping beauty in his cabin. The sleeping engineer was conveyed the same and in his sleep he replied something to the effect of "okay". After a while, the tech. director was on the ground floor (from the basement cabin) and he casually visited the area to see the hectic work that must have kept the engineer from going for the meeting. He looked at the latter sleeping and in order to not wake him up, just slipped away silently!

5.3 The "what happened?" issue
When we talk about managers in this document we do not only mean ??Technical Managers?? but also other types of managers. There was a very aggressive HR manager who was dreaded by the people working under him. A couple of LFMs were eye witnesses to the scene described below.

An HR executive was working on something when the manager came up to her and hollered "What Happened ?". The poor thing jumped up in fright and dropped some papers in shock. She took around 5 seconds to recover and then understood the context and provided the response to the manager.

5.4 The "cup" issue
One of the vice presidents at ****** used to be quite absent-minded and did not realize what he did sometimes. An LFM was a witness to this incident. The LFM was in the urinal taking a leak and in came the VP with a tea cup in his hand. He did not realize that he had a tea cup in his hand until he reached the commode. He then looked around for a place to put the tea cup and finding none, went ahead and took a leak with the tea cup still in his hand.

6.0 Reference
The LFMs at ****** are the sole reference for this happening and to some, the technical director himself may be a good person to go back to.

6.1 Appendix 1: Individual memories
(TBD, if and when they are available. May be added to sections 3, 4 or 5 also depending on the context. Please remember to add/ update version numbers and date to this)

6.2 Appendix 2: Lost WAP mobile whitepaper
(If someone has a copy of it, it may kindly be copy-pasted here, Please remember to add/ update version numbers and date to this)

Through the nights

(cracking up in my insomnia... :)

Through the nights

Even without lights
Sleepless is the mind
Having nothing to find

Growing lazy every day
Nights too have no say
Only the thought "I'm the light"
Is that of sheer delight and might


For some days now, I've become an insomniac. And this time around, its not because I'm tense or even because I'm at a spiritual high. I don't even know if its the irregular tea intake at times and total lack of it at other times! The funny part is that I'm not unhealthy either. Why then the sleeplessness is beyond me. I do get a little bit of sleep during the day at times when I'm in my chair. Or at other times, when I'm playing chess, after I've made a stupid move, I immediately know that I'd fallen asleep for a brief fraction of time since that move is totally uncalled for!

Some would think that the land mess and my unsettled, going-nowhere, “life”, would have had an impact on my sleep, but its quite the contrary. I see that after a turbulent period of near 3 yrs, life is finally coming through the tunnel. I've stopped planning one way or the other. Anything goes has become an perfectly and happily accepted norm for me in terms of what to do next, where to go, and such eternal questions, inclusive of car, land, belongings, bike, ... everything.

Possibly the mind sleeps when one has a clear idea of what to do next and because I don't have one clear idea, but am careless even about any idea now, the mind has become so lazy that it doesn't even know how to fall asleep! So what to do during the night? I don't feel like reading. I can't play chess since I don't want to keep on losing endlessly in a sleepy state. So I'm blogging now. No content, no material, pure blabber! I don't fall asleep, but I surely do feel sleepy. I think I've found the reason why I don't fall asleep: I'm thinking way too much on why I'm not asleep, there can be no befitting reason. :)

Good night... or is it?

Swami Chidananda's Mahasamadhi

Swami Chidanandaji Maharaj, more lovingly known as Guru Maharaj at Shivanandashram, Rishikesh, left his mortal body on 28th August, 2008 at the age of 92. His body had grown weak in recent years and for that reason, he had shifted out of the ashram to Dehradun. Only a few of the revered swamijis of the ashram used to visit him there. During my YVFA course, we didn't have the pleasure to seek his blessings, but he did send his message through one of the sannyasins to be read out in class.

He was among the very few great saints of modern India, whose service for the lepers is well-known. In his purvashrama, he hailed from a very well to do family back in Udupi. Gurudev Swami Shivananda had asked people not to to disturb Guru Maharaj's work even if he's needed in an emergency, also saying another time "Shivananda is Chidananda, Chidananda is Shivananda". Strict in his attitude towards dharma and ashram activities, Guru Maharaj was respected by one and all for his infinite love towards all, humans and animals alike. I remember one story narrated to us, when Guru Maharaj ran in to get a broom after seeing a lot of ants in a wash basin due to some piece of sweet lying around. By the time he returned, someone had washed away the ants from the basin. He was so upset and hurt with the act that he didn't have food for a couple of days to punish himself!

I'm not a person who does any service, nor do I claim to do so. I'm too small a person for that. I do remember self-acclaimed karmayogis or those in the making who do everything in the name of yoga. One such intending karmayogi got a scolding from one Swamiji back at the ashram once, during our YVFA course. A chap went on about how he would like to be useful socially, etc, when the Swamiji said that its easier said than done: "if so, try touching a leper. Then you can talk tall of karmayoga". Then he mentioned how Sw. Chidanandaji Maharaj was a true karmayogi who knew no time or place for his services and lived with his oft quoted motto "Serve as many people in as many ways as you possibly can".

Another incident that links my beloved Guruji, Bhagavan Sridhara Swamiji, to Shivanandashram is when he was visiting the Himalayas. Sw. Sivanandaji sent Sw. Chidanandaji to fetch him. Since Sridhara Swamiji was in a hurry, he couldn't get down, but there's a picture of Bhagavan in the bus with Guru Maharaj standing outside the window, seen in Sridhara Charita.

The simplicity of such a great divine personality can be seen even in his dying. Here's an extract from the ashram website: "In his death , for which he had left strict instructions for his body to be immersed in the Ganges quickly (Jal Samadhi) , and no spectacle be made of in terms of mourning , as in life , Swami Chidananda remained a simple monk , despite being the President of an international organization with centres across the globe, upholding the highest values of India's monastic traditions ."

I hope Shivanandashram continues to remain at a spiritual high on the pillars of foundation laid down by Gurudev and Guru Maharaj.

(Mahesh mailed me about this and I was unaware of Guru Maharaj's mahasamadhi)

nityashuddham nirAbhAsam nirAkAram niranjanam
nityabodham chidAnandam gurumbrahma namAmyaham

Technicality on avidyA

Recently, during an effort to save books from termites, I found a printed article, a kind of thesis material, on a part of advaita vedanta that has been debated upon endlessly and still continues not only between vishishTa advaita and kevala advaita vedanta paths but also among staunch advaitins! Much to my habit, I reread the article and gave it to satsanga friends, ignoring the debatable points that, to me, are of no practical value in sAdhana. However, its not so for everyone, especially my satsanga elders. I can ignore that Bhaskara (indirectly) calls the Bhagavatpada a drunkard on a particular interpretation of Brahma Sutra. I add no value to such cheap comments, be it by scholars or even saMpradAyis; I prefer to ignore them too if need be. However, not everyone can and satsangis got angered. Perhaps, I did the same thing when I heard it the first time.

I'm a traditionalist in my sAdhana and have been blessed with no confusion in reconciling views of bhAmati and vivaraNa about avidyA, its nature and locus. What people think as contradictory, unnecessary and harming the saMpradAya, I see only as detail, contextually necessary and utmost important to saMpradAya. There are many that opine that if the locus of avidyA had not been commented upon at all, Ramanuja wouldn't have been able to come up with his seven tenets. I personally don't think so. First of all, Ramanuja's tenets are no reason for advaitins to pull themselves down. Bhaskara tends to call Shankara a drunkard since he comments that avidyA is unreal, the article's author says that it wasn't Shankara who said so but Sureshwara did, indicating perhaps that Bhaskara's comment applies to the latter then! Thats unimportant; lets just try and understand whether the translation unreal itself means what it means. As advaitins know that there are three levels of realities: sat, asat and mithyA. sat is satasya satya thats trikAla satya which is brahman; asat can never be such as horns of a hare, son of a barren woman or a square circle; mithyA is something that is true at a certain time and/ or place and false otherwise such as a mirage, blue sky, i.e. something that appears the way it is not. mithyA is an oft misunderstood category that is variously translated as illusion, delusion, not real or unreal. Now in what way has unreal been talked off? If its mithyA, then thats exactly what Shankara meant and the saMpradAya follows, whether the Bhagavatpada said it or Sureshwara did. If the unreal is meant as in asat, then the context is to be understood as pAramArthika, where everything is false/ unreal: everything other than brahman, since everything is brahman.

If Sureshwara indeed says something that Acharya didn't say, it doesn't at all amount to contradiction, its just addition. Only if one said something opposing what the predecessor said, its contradictory. As long as that addition doesn't go against the main advaita philosophy of brahmasatya jaganmithya..., there cannot be a contradiction. You may well ask why was it necessary to even add. To my understanding, its for the same reason that you are interested to know *why* it was necessary to add. Human tendency to find faults originates from a doubting mind. The *why* that I marked earlier comes from the same mind that questions *whence*, *what*, etc about avidyA and itself due to avidyA. For questioner's satisfaction, such additions are necessary. The saMpradAya is there to resolve doubts of the followers and guide them to their individual sAdhana. If an addition to Shankara's words helps in understanding Shankara better and one focuses back on the main principle, there is no harm at all; mere parroting of Shankara's words to someone who's unable to stop his questioning, or someone who's not ready for grasping Shankara readily will do no good. The advaita parampara has the power to come down to the level of the sAdhaka and take him to the highest.

On the same chord, to some, the locus of avidyA as jIvAtma is convincing, while to others brahmAshraya avidyA is. Mind ya, both are really, truly, perfectly in tune with Shankara: jivobrahmaiva nAparA. So Padmapada and Vacaspati Mishra are also inline with each other. Those that think that the parampara itself has issues couldn't have been more wrong. They are either looking through a different coloured glass than advaita mUlatattva or are ill-intended. There's no third possibility, of course discounting misunderstanding, which is the root of avidya anyway.

Lastly, I want to point out some potential for errors to creep into such scholarly theses. There is not a total consensus on the date of Shankara and his works too beyond the prasthAna traya, so how can there be no differences in why Shankara said only a little on avidyA?

Nonstandard life

This is one of those rare blogs where I go on rambling about yours truly, so feel free to skip it; I just feel better on doing so, not that I'm feeling any worse now though. Its only something to do: look back on life going in a predictable pattern. Its funny that I see a pattern in things that I've been doing, but others see a random series of events. If I start narrating the way I see things in my life, they see my viewpoint too... thats one of the reasons for me to not only think back upon the things I recall now, but also note it down. I've rambled enough about rambling, lets start already!

Pointwise, not in any particular sequence:
i) Mostly, I don't treat people who love me any different than those who do me harm. Mind ya, I'm not saying I treat all of them well, I'm equally neutral, for good or bad. I'm unable to swallow the concept of "our people" well.

ii) Due to the above flaw, I trust strangers. The way our courts say that unless proven guilty, everyone's a gentleman. To me, I don't care getting cheated and so I get cheated in everything, material to emotions. Off late, its become sort of a rule; even if the fella isn't a cheat, I get cheated anyway. Examples will follow as I recall.

iii) I bought a computer in urgency and took it far, assembled it and got a faulty piece of hardware, costing more time and money. Sounds simple, doesn't it? It does, but there's another difficulty here. As you can see from this blog title, I buy nonstandard things. The masses buy Intel, I buy AMD. Of course, classes buy AMD too. AMD ain't available in a village here, so I scout cities just for that!

iv) Masses use MS, some play with Mac, I chose Linux. Classes choose Linux too, but classes have access to modern technology to get what they want on Linux. I stay remotely and have limited tools to get things in time for the OS to run. But I don't give up.

v) I'm an exception among the old generation, like many of us are; I'm an exception in the next generation too, like many of us are... but, I'm an odd man out in the current generation itself. I'm too religious for the new generation and too spiritual for the old, but I'm just lazy for the current one.

vi) Masses work till they die... most die at work, many from work! ... I gave up work when "young", though I felt kinda old.

vii) Car lovers like new luxury cars, I poured money into an out-of-production beast, obviously for which, parts are not available. At least not easily in cities, even worse I drive it in villages. I got cheated in getting the car serviced multiple times at various places in a matter of two months.

viii) A Mumbaite won't survive well outside, while I ran away to Bangalore instead. Many a technologist won't leave this technology hub, while I stepped into a village.

ix) People crave to do BE in top engineering institutes, I gave one up to pursue a post diploma and a PGD.

x) Folks out here love cricket, while I stay indoors at a chess board or laze with M*A*S*H.

xi) I bought a piece of land and lost two years without land or money. I'd put 80-90% of my cash holding. When the fella who cheated me said it himself that he didn't cheat me, I replied that I didn't care if he cheated me, but the fact remained that I got cheated anyway.

xii) I left Mumbai with a job transfer to US at hand and went to Bangalore, under the false pride of principles since I'd commited myself to a job at Tek.

xiii) Under the same set of principles, I told L&T fellas to get lost, wrote my PF away and jumped my one year bond after serving 50% of slavery time, fighting tooth and nail. Earlier, I'd refused a 3 year term with an exciting training and travel opportunity but still worked on a mega equipment, without training. I lost 40 grands in private PF. (Despite the sick crowd I reported to back at L&T, and the huge sum I lost there, I immensely respect the co. and am invested long term in its stocks).

xiv) At an interview at Blore, when asked what I'd like to work on, I listed what I didn't like to work on and said I'd agree to anything other than those. At another interview last year at Blore for work at Noida, I answered a question but refused to write it on paper since it involves some useless math proof.

xv) My car insurance cover note expired even after continuous follow-up and haven't received insurance even after 2 months. Funnily, Bajaj Allianz have been able to "trace out" the issue as of yesterday: they need nearly 1.7k more over already paid 6.6k since the insured value is less than the valuation they have made. Mind ya, that money is anyway a waste since parts are hardly available for the vehicle; all I want is 3rd party coverage, not comprehensive. They won't proceed now without more money thrown away and won't refund until after a long time after I mandatorily make another insurance cover. Seemingly, thats the rule that they follow. (Its resolved now though.)

xvi) Limited internet is useless for me, so I prepay for unlimited use on another sick connection called Reliance netconnect. Its a useless piece of junk chinese hardware called ZTE USB modem with Reliance's painful and non-working services. I bought it in April and paid 1501 bucks that month just for services; the hardware and activation cost me another 3.5k. The connection worked for 12d out of 30, after a lot many complaints and follow ups. I went back to limited use of charge when needed and wasted more money. Now unlimited usage is down to 999 p.m., so I tried that again in July; its worked only for 13d this time and they didn't know/ care what the problem was. They say its corrected now and asked me to do a recharge of 999 again. Meanwhile, they'd also asked me to recharge for Rs. 50 so that they could drain that away too, and they did it so. Well, they have given me a compensation of 13 more days of "free" usage, since I lost a lot of money and 25d of usage!!! I can't be so sure that it would work though.

xvii) I'd bought a car earlier on, with the seller telling me that the car had comprehensive insurance. Later on, when I paid the balance, I'd to pay for insurance too since it expired the day after I'd paid advance. The seller justified it since he was "technically" correct and the car did have c.i. on the selling day!

xviii) I'd bought another car Astra while I'd put the 1st one, Wagon-R for sale. That didn't sell and the faulty Astra gave me 4kmpl! The fella cheated me telling me it gave a mileage of 10. Funnily enough, this seller was a 2nd level contact for me... hah, "our people". He took a few months to return my money. The good ol' Wagon-R got sold much later, cheaply, and that fella too gave me the money after much follow-up and much much later.

xix) All my belongings are in a village at my aunt's place; they were to be there till I find a place to hide myself. But every few months, something goes for a toss due to termites, weather or because they remain unused. First, the protective boxes, then the PC, some books, the fridge... this time around the termites have reached the books climbing the wooden cot. The last string of attachment is with the books and that too seems to be dying off.

Due to a short memory, I don't remember much, ahem, thankfully. :D

A walk in the coastal rains

If you didn't know, coastal rains are mighty heavy. At times, they could be really scary even indoors, much less providing comfort to drive, and even lesser to ride a bike. There was a time, however, when in my sheer madness, I rode a bike from Bangalore to Honnavara during monsoon, brushing the coast Mangalore onwards and daring the coastal rains from Kundapura, that too at night! Of course, I've aged now and seldom get the enthusiasm to weather the weather on the highway! Last weekend, I'd fun driving in the ghat rains, heavy, washing away almost everything small on the roads; why I say small is because recently I moved from my small presence on the highway to a juggernaut of a vehicle: The Tata Sierra! Old habits die hard and when I'm on the roads, I remain as a tiny myself; this time that wasn't necessary, since I wasn't on the roads, but *we* were, the one with me making the we being the helluva SUV. :) Enough self-acclaimed boasting, I digress.

Today, I left the Sierra for some major pending works to “tame” it from its crooked roughness to original wildness and took a walk back in the same coastal rains, on the same coastal roads. Apart from wanting to enjoy the walk and surroundings, I wanted to avoid the torturous, back-breaking (literally), tempo journey. The initial drizzle gave a happy feeling, letting me watch the beautiful greens around. I haven't walked this stretch in a good weather earlier, most of the year being hot and humid. By the way, this is the only season when I feel like settling down near the coast. Of course, other than the monsoon is wet too, but the wetness then is pure perspiration, nothing else. Today was different; it was a drizzle threatening to turn into a downpour soon.

Barring the continuously moving heavy vehicles, picking the rain water off the tar and throwing onto you, on one of the busiest national highways I've seen, namely the NH-17, the walk was a pleasure. I was moving the umbrella sideways from the perpendicular to avoid the truck-tyre-shower bathing me again and again. But soon the threat came true and down came the rains the way it rains here. Except for the reading of time from the clock, most of the monsoon, it would be difficult to sense the time of day, the sun shining oddly near the twilight, after a completely dark and cloudy day. Well exaggerated? Be it so. And so it rained and the umbrella was soon protecting only my head (not that there's much to protect!). Funnily enough, when its pouring like that, you don't mind the trucks and buses showering ya. Its also fun to forget about your getting drenched and instead enjoy the joke on the fools motorbiking with an umbrella in one hand and speeding away, accelerating with the other. Some may call it daring, but I call it stupidity and utter disrespect for people and vehicles on the roads. More than that, its total ignorance towards coastal rains, that maketh the rules and breaketh the lives of those driving! I suppose it wouldn't be unfair if you accord the coastal rains more or less the same respect during a drive as you would to Himalayas during a trek.

Half the distance back home, my clothes were neatly washed. Then the rain seemed to die away and give the sun some job to do from his back seat lazying presence. My clothes decided to drip till the sun shone fully, marking the approach of noon, and then on, dry themselves the other half of the way back. However, when you're almost completely drenched, its not comfortable to slowly dry back during the walk; you prefer the rains instead. Else, its foolish to keep the umbrella open when the sun is shining, unless of course you're so very bent to keep your "fairness" from fading away. But if you close your umbrella, the head that you protected in the rains that passed is open to get wet from the showers off the tree branches and not to forget off-the-tar spray of passing vehicles. So the umbrella preferably reopens.

Meanwhile the clothes have become muddy and sticky, partially dry and you're no longer enjoying the walk fully. This is only because you're not completely dry or completely wet, wanting a digital world against the slow analogue drying! Since there's nothing you can do about it, except to pray for rains, you go back to enjoying the greenery, trying to imagine the view from the houses you pass by, comparing which one is better. The mind starts its breakaway journey into staying indoors watching the rains from the balcony and windows, building castles to have those balconies, windows and terraces, sipping soup or tea. Hah! by the time you return to reality, you're home, among people you know, who watch you and comment, actualizing a forced landing to a social order of not walking in the rains and taking care to stay healthy! :D


Quite often I speak of desires, making one possessive of things and people, and how they are hurdles in the spiritual path. With such thinking, one usually concludes that being desireless is the goal. During the recent satsanga, one point came back to mind that even when one becomes desireless, the task doesn't end into chitta shuddhi all by itself. To draw a parallel, if one thinks he's got a clean slate in the waking state considering the action-word-thought trio, he can't be so sure unless his dream state is equally clean! Working through this analogue, if some passion during waking state is termed as a desire, that during the dream state- resting to resurface as desire- is a tendency. This selfsame behaviour of a tendency poses a threat of make-believe desireless state, which can *unknowingly* popup anytime and fructify into full-fledged desire! Many of us misunderstand such a state as shuddha chitta and it turns out as a major pitfall in sAdhana.

Tendencies are the roots if desires are the trunk of the tree of individuality/ creation. Chopping down the entire tree into desirelessness is a futile end if the roots are still present. Some of them may not grow into a tree again, but they still are holding onto the ground, binding one into the world.

But more appropriately, the tendencies go further than the root-analogy; they are factually the seeds of creation, since they run not into dream alone, but into deep-sleep! nityapralaya of an individual is no different than pralaya of entire creation, in that the vAsanas or tendencies are stored away in seed form to grow into the creation during the next cycle. Its just that the individual's creation starts on the jIva moving into dream and waking states from deep sleep. Without tendencies, there can be no creative desire and working towards the end of desirelessness is meaningless. One had rather die bodily and mentally, effortlessly, than work hard to conquer desires and stop there! Only a mumukshu will truly take to the end of uprooting the tendencies and burning the seeds so that not even a sprout of desire breaks open! Working towards this noblest and highest of goals needs watching oneself even during the dream, literally as our regular phraseology goes "... not even in my wildest dreams... ".

om tat sat