Yes, "there's no way out" is what I think sometime almost everyday now. This knot of the heart is too complex and deep to just snap out of. At this stage, I imagine I may've mentioned earlier too, its difficult to go back, but looking ahead doesn't seem too easy either. For a moment, I stand lost not knowing the past, not knowing the future... and thats not all, I don't even see where the present is!
I'm in a deep state of shock where living itself is a lot of effort. By that, I mean working, eating, sleeping, everything seems like too much of an effort. Nah, its not sheer laziness as one might think looking at me. It just seems futile, a showoff, a drama, maybe I can't even express what its like anymore. For example, imagine yourself at a movie theatre; how do expect to enjoy the movie when all you can think of is the white screen? Watching the movie becomes too much of an effort, doesn't it then? How then could anyone actually expect you to not only watch the movie and enjoy it, but factually relate, narrate and convince others to watch it.
My fear is that I may have really gone mad already, according to these worldly terms that I've myself lived once, for long. Every day, I convince myself that soon this misery will end somehow. I don't know how thats going to be possible. Its like not having brakes in your car and driving down a hill. You can't switch gears to reverse, you can't park and step out, but you've to go with the flow in the car till the road turns into a flat or an upslope... or God forbid, you hit something. All you can do is to try to hold on to the steering so that you don't accidentally jump off the cliff!
4 comments:
concepts , concepts, concepts -> too much of knowledge is also too bad. It creates a mire of concepts...and prevents u from reaching the natural - Again another concept. So like all masters say "Silence"
Its a misconception that concepts prevent you from reaching the natural! All shruti vaakya-s are concepts too.
If *all* masters said *silence*, masters would have been no use; who would teach us then? Even near-silent Ramana & silent Buddha taught in words. Thats why we have Talks and Dhammapada. Again at that level, silence is also a concept.
Moreover, silence is easier said than done, is it not?
Silence is easier "said" than done..
WOW!! LOVELY!!! couldnt help noticing the subtle humor
(ok I know , my comment to this topic is actually meaningless...but I jsut couldnt resist :-) )
Thanks for dropping by, Karthik.
No comment can be meaningless, when silence also means a lot. In fact, I didn't mean all the humor you just made me see ;) Perhaps, I've been living so much humor that even my seriousness has a joke behind it! :)
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