There's no way out!

Yes, "there's no way out" is what I think sometime almost everyday now. This knot of the heart is too complex and deep to just snap out of. At this stage, I imagine I may've mentioned earlier too, its difficult to go back, but looking ahead doesn't seem too easy either. For a moment, I stand lost not knowing the past, not knowing the future... and thats not all, I don't even see where the present is!

I'm in a deep state of shock where living itself is a lot of effort. By that, I mean working, eating, sleeping, everything seems like too much of an effort. Nah, its not sheer laziness as one might think looking at me. It just seems futile, a showoff, a drama, maybe I can't even express what its like anymore. For example, imagine yourself at a movie theatre; how do expect to enjoy the movie when all you can think of is the white screen? Watching the movie becomes too much of an effort, doesn't it then? How then could anyone actually expect you to not only watch the movie and enjoy it, but factually relate, narrate and convince others to watch it.

My fear is that I may have really gone mad already, according to these worldly terms that I've myself lived once, for long. Every day, I convince myself that soon this misery will end somehow. I don't know how thats going to be possible. Its like not having brakes in your car and driving down a hill. You can't switch gears to reverse, you can't park and step out, but you've to go with the flow in the car till the road turns into a flat or an upslope... or God forbid, you hit something. All you can do is to try to hold on to the steering so that you don't accidentally jump off the cliff!
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