For a while now, I've been staying indoors and trying to do nothing much at all that I intended to do. Instead I'm even taking a break from this journey that hasn't begun yet! In this break, I intend to continue as long as I can set a discipline of putting the entire past behind me and begin a new schedule of things. This plan is going to be untied to any of the plans anyone made. Getting back to the break... I've been watching a lot of movies, those that I had in a bunch of DVDs that I carried while wandering in the over past two wasted years and those that I collected during the time from various sources. These make up the reruns. Add to that the new ones that I find every few days. Anyways, today I reran Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi, a movie that left a mixed impression on me the first time I saw it. Other than known reasons for which the movie received critical acclaim, that I liked as well, I hated it for the unnecessary carnal relations painted onto the character of the female lead. Today too, it left back a similar feeling. But apart from that a new thing came to my mind: most of the lives are screwed up by circumstances and wrong decisions that one regrets in life, having no way of going back. Thats the saddest part for some. For others, like me, for example, the saddest part is that they don't regret the past, but a future that is bleak based on a wasted present! In their hands lies the future, but they can't work on it due to circumstances that they are tied to, bound by and responsible for, themselves! So what are they to do then? I wish I'd answers. Some I know feel that I do have all the answers. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Till I find and act on my own answers, here's a lovely song Bawra mann from the movie... (I just read this while publishing and I realize that I sounded like an RJ there) :)
Bawra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bawra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bawre Se Mann Ki Dekho Bawri Hain Baatein
Bawre Se Mann Ki Dekho Bawri Hain Baatein
Bawri Si Dhadkaane Hain, Bawri Hain Saansen
Bawri Si Karwaton Se, Nindiya Door Bhaage
Bawre Se Nain Chaahe, Bawre Jharokhon Se, Bawre Nazaron Ko Takna
Bawra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bawre Se Is Jahan Main Bawra Ek Saath Ho
Is Sayani Bheed Main Bas Haathon Mein Tera Haath Ho
Bawri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bawra Ek Raag Ho
O, Bawri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bawra Ek Raag Ho
Bawre Se Pair Chahen, Bawre Tarano Ke, Bawre Se Bol Pe Thirakna
Bawra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bawra Sa Ho Andhera, Bawri Khamoshiyan
Bawra Sa Ho Andhera, Bawri Khamoshiyan
Thartharati Lo Ho Maddham, Bawri Madhoshiyan
Bawra Ek Ghoonghta Chahe, Haule Haule Bin Bataye, Bawre Se Mukhde Se Sarakana
Bawra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Quoting Phaedrus
(Originally noted a few months back in a repeat reading of Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, I've nothing more to add since the author of the book puts it perfectly well)
Mountains like these and travelers in the mountains and events that happen to them here are found not only in Zen literature but in the tales of every major religion. The allegory of a physical mountain for the spiritual one that stands between each soul and its goal is an easy and natural one to make. Like those in the valley behind us, most people stand in sight of the spiritual mountains all their lives and never enter them, being content to listen to others who have been there and thus avoid the hardships. Some travel into the mountains accompanied by experienced guides who know the best and least dangerous routes by which they arrive at their destination. Still others, inexperienced and untrusting, attempt to make their own routes. Few of these are successful, but occasionally some, by sheer will and luck and grace, do make it. Once there they become more aware than any of the others that there’s no single or fixed number of routes. There are as many routes as there are individual souls.
Mountains like these and travelers in the mountains and events that happen to them here are found not only in Zen literature but in the tales of every major religion. The allegory of a physical mountain for the spiritual one that stands between each soul and its goal is an easy and natural one to make. Like those in the valley behind us, most people stand in sight of the spiritual mountains all their lives and never enter them, being content to listen to others who have been there and thus avoid the hardships. Some travel into the mountains accompanied by experienced guides who know the best and least dangerous routes by which they arrive at their destination. Still others, inexperienced and untrusting, attempt to make their own routes. Few of these are successful, but occasionally some, by sheer will and luck and grace, do make it. Once there they become more aware than any of the others that there’s no single or fixed number of routes. There are as many routes as there are individual souls.
Expectations from life
Hari Om!
(Originally written a couple of weeks back)
Its stupid to expect that life has anything to offer at all. I don't necessarily mean that in a negative sense, but it ain't optimistic either. The optimists are prone to shocks like no one else, while the pessimistic miss all the fun and adventure. There's a realistic line that one needs to draw, cross over it knowingly for all the fun and just not have hopes high. If the hope was low, you're in for a pleasant surprise when something good comes your way. You'll have readied for the bad news anyway. Of course, its said in the adage Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, but thats not really what I mean. Give up that living on hope and instead *just* live. Plain living, no add ons of hope, make it much better. It wastes no time in planning post failures. Have plans, not that you need none, but have more than one. Contingency planning is more important than the original blueprint since you've got to be just too lucky to get everything right the first way everytime. Just switch plans when things go wayward and dump everything and go on a new unplanned plan if they go haywire. But just work towards the goal. As long as the direction is right, the pace is immaterial.
(Originally written a couple of weeks back)
Its stupid to expect that life has anything to offer at all. I don't necessarily mean that in a negative sense, but it ain't optimistic either. The optimists are prone to shocks like no one else, while the pessimistic miss all the fun and adventure. There's a realistic line that one needs to draw, cross over it knowingly for all the fun and just not have hopes high. If the hope was low, you're in for a pleasant surprise when something good comes your way. You'll have readied for the bad news anyway. Of course, its said in the adage Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, but thats not really what I mean. Give up that living on hope and instead *just* live. Plain living, no add ons of hope, make it much better. It wastes no time in planning post failures. Have plans, not that you need none, but have more than one. Contingency planning is more important than the original blueprint since you've got to be just too lucky to get everything right the first way everytime. Just switch plans when things go wayward and dump everything and go on a new unplanned plan if they go haywire. But just work towards the goal. As long as the direction is right, the pace is immaterial.
Why want anything?
Hari Om
(Originally written a couple of weeks back)
I wrote something like this in an entry on boredom much earlier on, but here's the deal. The trap set is an abyss; there's no easy getting out. In fact, its just easing you in more and more and then some more. An unsolvable mystery, something that you're trying to solve, yes, but you don't even know the question clearly. Its vague. Its out there, its felt, its within, still we don't know. Imagine no shadow while in the sun, can you? Its something like that, always with you. But, across lives, you've got yourself zilch!
Its a crazy life if you spend a little time with yourself and watch your mind crave for anything, be it a little, be it unimportant, be it just, or not! Why want any thing, or be it any person? Why have more people in your life, why possess more things than what you are already stuck with, having a choice or not? Need a good friend, a shoulder to cry on, a beautiful wife, loving children, parents forever, all the things that bring pleasure? Just so that it makes life easier to live with! It helps forget that we're alone. All of us. Individuals. So much so that you can't even try to stay alone while asleep. The freaky mind goes ahead and dreams people and things that it couldn't satisfy itself with during the waking hours! More wants, more craving. But, mind ya, the happiness still isn't there out in the dreams either! Where does the mind find it then, but in sleep? Try living an insomniac's life for a while and you'll know exactly what I mean. The mind gives up hunting nonsense after a long fed, unquenchable, hunger of wants and finds solace in the deepest of sleep when truly left to oneself. That, my friends, is the non-craved, want-free world of the Self. Thats what we all are searching in things and people, in relations, in quarrels, in love, in sensual pleasures. Having such an unstoppable love towards the deep sleep state, strangely enough, we all are scared of the longest and the best of all sleeps, an ironic fear of death!
Back to wants, forget others for an instant, lets take the selfish gene: me. Why want money, land, a house, a garden? Just because I can put a fence around an area where I can live with myself, deprived of the world of pleasure and pain? But what about the crooked mind that I've to live with? How am I gonna tame it, if at all it is tamable? They say, by meditation. But God only knows what meditation is, its sitting in a corner, fencing yourself from the mind too. And then, you're stuck with another piece of junk that comes up, and you fence it, and then you've another and yet another and its ad infinitum. Wouldn't it be frustrating then? You've isolated yourself from the world of wants, but all that is within you, within the confines of yourself! The money and land that comes deservingly, comes without pain. If it pains, its coming with a feeling of guilt, cutting into a bigger piece of a pie when others are starving; its like stealing!
So what am I saying here? That there's no happiness in the world out there as we know and there's no success in the world within that we're trying to know? No. What I'm saying is that as long as you regret what you're doing, be it in the world outside or that inside, the mind will always want you to change things as they are and then its all gone. The change will come in the form of a want and that want, unmet, will be a craving. Once it craves, you don't have the want anymore, the want has you! Instead, let it go. If the change imposes itself, go with the flow, carelessly. Then the change is no longer a want, its a happening. Don't hang on to even meditation, its just another drug then. As much as you want it, its not meditation anymore. Meditation is a happening, you can't resist it, it flawlessly flows. Else its a hypnosis, self-imposed, nonsense, fooling others and yourself. Pray. Not for anything in particular. Pray because you have to. No attachments, nothing, a prayer. A prayer for yourself, since you're part of that everything: vasudhaiva kuTumbakam; not a selfish prayer meant for yourself alone: sah vIryaM karvAvahai. Don't hold on to the today, turning into yesterday. Things *always* shape up the way they're meant to be. Let go and let it pass. Someday, the coming tomorrow will have in its hands, a deserving break, a break from all shackles. Till then, live unto this sickening world so that you can die unto it, painlessly, effortlessly, with pleasure, with bliss, the point of no return.
Need for a Guru
Hari Om
First and foremost, a Guru needs to be defined before one can discuss anything on Guru. One of the popular and easy to comprehend definitions is:
gukAraschAndakArohi rukArastejocyate
aj~nAnagrAsakaM brahma guroreva na saMSayaH
The literal translation would be: the akshara Gu is said to be darkness and Ru as light; the brahman that swallows the ignorance is, doubtlessly, the Guru.
That is, the way the Sun can be said to swallow the darkness, at dawn, similarly the Guru can be said to swallow the darkness of ignorance of the disciples, and help in the dawn of knowledge. In other words, the brahman being the whole of what exists, including the dark ignorance and the opposite of it, the light, the Guru who has known That, the brahman, is the Guru who removes the ignorance of disciples.
Now that we've looked at how a Guru is defined, we could also look at how tradition qualifies the Guru: shrotriya and brahmanishTa say the shAstrAs. What that means is that the Guru is one who must be well-read in the scriptures and should have realized the Truth. Without both of these qualifications, the disciple is not guaranteed to realize himself. What it also means that if the person is realized, but not well-read, he can end up confusing the disciple, while if he's a scholar but has not experienced brahman, he cannot impart anything useful to the disciple in mokshamArga.
Today, one can imagine how utterly difficult it is to find a Guru then and instead one must live on the hope that when the disciple is ready, the Guru will appear! This has been well-known, anyway. But what I'm trying to get at is the following. If the Guru is so difficult to find and one has to just live with hope, then what chance does one have, how wherefrom will the seeker get any inspiration? This is readily understood if one tries to gather the above things that we learnt about who the Guru is in terms of definition and qualifications and think on the lines of what brahmaj~nAna means, what moksha actually is! This is what we'll consider next. Its not at all complicated, for one, I've always seen this clearly. And its not hope. In fact, its guaranteed, with faith, a little understanding and will. Anything other than that would be wrong. Why wrong is ... well, maybe a little later. Now, to understand moksha.
Moksha is understood by all of us as that which clears us from the miserable shackles of birth and death. While brahmaj~nAna is explained as another term for moksha, the Upanishads say:
brahmavid brahmaiva bhavati
The knower of brahman becomes brahman
As in, becomes One with it, or knows that he has always been That. This means that the jivanamukta, one realized while being in the body-mind-intellect trio is brahman Itself. It doesn't matter for this person, who is a person only in the sense that others know him so, but is brahman. This is what acts in the Guru's qualification of being a brahmanishTa. If this Guru bodily passes on, or stays in the body, doesn't matter to Him. In fact, it shouldn't matter to the disciple too! Turned the other way round, it means that as long as you have access to Guru's shrotriyata, from what you've heard off him, in recordings, writings, or in any form, his brahmanishTatva is available all the time, even on his leaving the body! And that is your Guru, you don't need to have a Guru in the mortal body.
I've another argument. Imagine having a Guru as defined and qualified earlier on. While following him as a disciple and all that he teaches, if he dies, should the disciple go on to look for another Guru, that he spent lives in finding? Obviously, that would be ridiculous. A good, sincere, disciple would still continue with the Guru's teachings, pray the Guru, and realize by that sheer knowledge and grace which always shines. When in trouble, the Guru would come to his rescue, the way he used to earlier while in the body!
My Gurudatta, Bhagavan Sridhara Swamiji, himself took Samartha Ramdas as his Guru and followed his teachings to reach moksha, so I've not even an iota of doubt that this is the correct approach. Now to conclude why people who think that a Guru in mortal body is necessary are dead wrong. They are contradicting the basic principle of Guru being brahman, since brahman is omnipresent, with or without body. That same brahman blesses them with the knowledge only in the form of Guru.
The Guru is also sarvadhi sAkshi bhUtam like Ishvara as is said in:
yasya deve parAbhaktir yathA deve tathA gurau
The disciple must have the same bhakti towards the Guru that he has towards God.
Sadly, these are the people who will be giving up their seeking if and when their Guru passes on, if they hold on to such illogical understanding!
So, I'll end this topic by building up some thoughts on what Bhagavan Ramana, another of my Gurus, said about Guru. He said that the Self itself is the Guru, it pulls the seeker from within towards one's own Self and if need be, manifests itself in form(s) outside to push the disciple towards Self. The Guru is nothing but the manifestation of the Self, that is brahman, for the benefit of the disciple. And truly, what it is, is that everything around us is a Guru, its Guru rupa, the entire nature itself turns to be a Guru if one really tunes into it. Since it is brahmaiva kevalam, only brahman, nothing else exists.
Lets end with a prayer, shall we? For a change, we'll use a song:
bina sadguru apNo nahi koi
ko yeh raha batAve
kahat kabIra suna bhai sAdho
sapNe mein pritam Ave
--Kailash Kher in the song Naiharwa.
gurorarpaNamastu
First and foremost, a Guru needs to be defined before one can discuss anything on Guru. One of the popular and easy to comprehend definitions is:
gukAraschAndakArohi rukArastejocyate
aj~nAnagrAsakaM brahma guroreva na saMSayaH
The literal translation would be: the akshara Gu is said to be darkness and Ru as light; the brahman that swallows the ignorance is, doubtlessly, the Guru.
That is, the way the Sun can be said to swallow the darkness, at dawn, similarly the Guru can be said to swallow the darkness of ignorance of the disciples, and help in the dawn of knowledge. In other words, the brahman being the whole of what exists, including the dark ignorance and the opposite of it, the light, the Guru who has known That, the brahman, is the Guru who removes the ignorance of disciples.
Now that we've looked at how a Guru is defined, we could also look at how tradition qualifies the Guru: shrotriya and brahmanishTa say the shAstrAs. What that means is that the Guru is one who must be well-read in the scriptures and should have realized the Truth. Without both of these qualifications, the disciple is not guaranteed to realize himself. What it also means that if the person is realized, but not well-read, he can end up confusing the disciple, while if he's a scholar but has not experienced brahman, he cannot impart anything useful to the disciple in mokshamArga.
Today, one can imagine how utterly difficult it is to find a Guru then and instead one must live on the hope that when the disciple is ready, the Guru will appear! This has been well-known, anyway. But what I'm trying to get at is the following. If the Guru is so difficult to find and one has to just live with hope, then what chance does one have, how wherefrom will the seeker get any inspiration? This is readily understood if one tries to gather the above things that we learnt about who the Guru is in terms of definition and qualifications and think on the lines of what brahmaj~nAna means, what moksha actually is! This is what we'll consider next. Its not at all complicated, for one, I've always seen this clearly. And its not hope. In fact, its guaranteed, with faith, a little understanding and will. Anything other than that would be wrong. Why wrong is ... well, maybe a little later. Now, to understand moksha.
Moksha is understood by all of us as that which clears us from the miserable shackles of birth and death. While brahmaj~nAna is explained as another term for moksha, the Upanishads say:
brahmavid brahmaiva bhavati
The knower of brahman becomes brahman
As in, becomes One with it, or knows that he has always been That. This means that the jivanamukta, one realized while being in the body-mind-intellect trio is brahman Itself. It doesn't matter for this person, who is a person only in the sense that others know him so, but is brahman. This is what acts in the Guru's qualification of being a brahmanishTa. If this Guru bodily passes on, or stays in the body, doesn't matter to Him. In fact, it shouldn't matter to the disciple too! Turned the other way round, it means that as long as you have access to Guru's shrotriyata, from what you've heard off him, in recordings, writings, or in any form, his brahmanishTatva is available all the time, even on his leaving the body! And that is your Guru, you don't need to have a Guru in the mortal body.
I've another argument. Imagine having a Guru as defined and qualified earlier on. While following him as a disciple and all that he teaches, if he dies, should the disciple go on to look for another Guru, that he spent lives in finding? Obviously, that would be ridiculous. A good, sincere, disciple would still continue with the Guru's teachings, pray the Guru, and realize by that sheer knowledge and grace which always shines. When in trouble, the Guru would come to his rescue, the way he used to earlier while in the body!
My Gurudatta, Bhagavan Sridhara Swamiji, himself took Samartha Ramdas as his Guru and followed his teachings to reach moksha, so I've not even an iota of doubt that this is the correct approach. Now to conclude why people who think that a Guru in mortal body is necessary are dead wrong. They are contradicting the basic principle of Guru being brahman, since brahman is omnipresent, with or without body. That same brahman blesses them with the knowledge only in the form of Guru.
The Guru is also sarvadhi sAkshi bhUtam like Ishvara as is said in:
yasya deve parAbhaktir yathA deve tathA gurau
The disciple must have the same bhakti towards the Guru that he has towards God.
Sadly, these are the people who will be giving up their seeking if and when their Guru passes on, if they hold on to such illogical understanding!
So, I'll end this topic by building up some thoughts on what Bhagavan Ramana, another of my Gurus, said about Guru. He said that the Self itself is the Guru, it pulls the seeker from within towards one's own Self and if need be, manifests itself in form(s) outside to push the disciple towards Self. The Guru is nothing but the manifestation of the Self, that is brahman, for the benefit of the disciple. And truly, what it is, is that everything around us is a Guru, its Guru rupa, the entire nature itself turns to be a Guru if one really tunes into it. Since it is brahmaiva kevalam, only brahman, nothing else exists.
Lets end with a prayer, shall we? For a change, we'll use a song:
bina sadguru apNo nahi koi
ko yeh raha batAve
kahat kabIra suna bhai sAdho
sapNe mein pritam Ave
--Kailash Kher in the song Naiharwa.
gurorarpaNamastu
RFC-1: Humorous Issues in Managerial (aka Damagerial) Behavior
I realize that its been a long while that the mood on the blog has not changed. So here's lightening it.
Following is an RFC that my friend and I wrote regarding our managers back at our workplace earlier. It was lost in mails and came back to life only few weeks back when I found it incomplete in email archives and started building on it, exchanging mails again for the other chap to fill it up. The company's name has been asterisked out so that the managers remain unidentified. I don't want to end up jeopardizing any career that they may have. Anyway, I do hope that you enjoy reading it. As usual, anything that is unpleasant between a managed "entity" and his manager is for *mature audiences* only. So you'll kindly excuse yourself if you're unwilling to read some rare curse words or excuse me if you decide to read it. :) RFC is a technical term in the networking world, meaning Request For Comments and in simple layman terms, its some kind of a draft document, before becoming a proposal/ standard kind of thing. If you've read any RFC before, this will be more fun to read, since we've maintained the format and language so.
Following is an RFC that my friend and I wrote regarding our managers back at our workplace earlier. It was lost in mails and came back to life only few weeks back when I found it incomplete in email archives and started building on it, exchanging mails again for the other chap to fill it up. The company's name has been asterisked out so that the managers remain unidentified. I don't want to end up jeopardizing any career that they may have. Anyway, I do hope that you enjoy reading it. As usual, anything that is unpleasant between a managed "entity" and his manager is for *mature audiences* only. So you'll kindly excuse yourself if you're unwilling to read some rare curse words or excuse me if you decide to read it. :) RFC is a technical term in the networking world, meaning Request For Comments and in simple layman terms, its some kind of a draft document, before becoming a proposal/ standard kind of thing. If you've read any RFC before, this will be more fun to read, since we've maintained the format and language so.
Network NotWorking Group: Ex-****** Working Group
Request for Comments: -1 A couple of LFMs (See section 1.1 below)
Obsoletes : Nothing Feb 2006, Aug 2008
Category : Informational
Humorous Issues in Managerial (aka Damagerial) Behavior
Index:
1.0 Status of this Memo
1.1 Terminology
2.0 Background
3.0 Introduction to the RP series
3.1 The WAP mobile "whitepaper" issue
3.2 The OOPs seminar issue
3.3 The multiple main functions issue
3.4 The coding-enthusiasm issue
3.5 The Shivaji issue
3.6 The "FO" issue
4.0 Introduction to the DL series
4.1 The "Chu****" issue
4.2 The tak-tak-tak and "hey" issue
4.3 The Unix coder issue
4.4 The what about... issue
4.5 The test and correction issue
4.6 The Project Proposal issue
4.7 The "whats he writing?" issue
4.8 The "Sheep" issue
5.0 Introduction to others
5.1 The "anything about anything" issue
5.2 The nap scenes issue
5.3 The "what happened?" issue
5.4 The cup issue
6.0 Reference
6.1 Appendix 1: Individual memories
6.2 Appendix 2: Lost WAP mobile whitepaper
1.0 Status of this Memo
This memo presents the results of an ex-working group on Managerial Behavior. This RFC is for your information and you are encouraged to comment (and even correct, extend, add) on the issues presented. Distribution of this memo is unlimited.
1.1 Terminology
This document uses the following terms:
o "LFM"
The acronym LFM stands for "looking-for-more" and is used to refer to the engineers who worked at ******/*******
o "RP"
Refers to one of the managers who made this document possible.
o "DL"
Refers to another manager who made this document possible.
o "NCST"
The acronym NCST stands for "National Centre for Software Technology" in Bombay/Mumbai.
o PGDST
The acronym PGDST stands for "Post-Graduate Diploma in Software Technology" and refers to a program at NCST
o WAP
The acronym WAP stands for "Wireless Application Protocol"
o LDAP
The acronym LDAP stands for "Lightweight Directory Access Protocol"
2.0 Background
To owe it to all those who have actually been through the torture of working head-to-wall, er... shoulder-to-shoulder, with ******'s project managers of infinite wisdom, an ad-hoc working group was assembled to bring out a document that records as many humorous incidents that were witnessed during the tenure of association with the above-mentioned mahaanubhaavs/personalities. Okay, enough formalizing the thing, cutting to the chase, here goes...
3.0 Introduction to the RP series
The great RP, whom atleast one NCST's PGDST candidate must be cursing somewhere for eating away his seat and causing personal insult over the injured NCST image, was the first project damager of good ol' ******. He started unintentional sabotage with the LDAP client that was nearly in the test phase.
3.1 The WAP mobile "whitepaper" issue
RP did not have anything to do and he thought that he should focus on upcoming technologies, in hiding! During the time, one of the LFMs began jumping channels on the network and bingo, found trove in the form of a checked-in file (it may have well been on a shared folder on RP's machine; author's memory needs help, if available in this context). This file was a gem called "The WAP whitepaper" that started with a FAQ and ended so too! There were questions such as "Does ****** *sale* mobile phones?" with answers such as "No, we are into blah blah blah" and keywords such as "WAP mobile" that was equated to Batman's "bat mobile" by another LFM. Unfortunately, this document was lost over time and the only thing the authors remember is that the document was nowhere close to any whitepaper whatsoever and nor did it have anything to do with WAP. It has been concluded by the authors that any A4 paper out of a stationary shop would do more justice to the subject as a technical whitepaper than this one did!
3.2 The OOPs seminar issue
From suggestions, there started a phase when, based on drawn chits, people were chosen to conduct Friday evening seminars on topics of their choice. On a lucky day, RP spoke on OOPs to the benefit of all fun-loving people. There were other serious debates on blabbered nonsense, but nevertheless the speech continued to down-to-earth parallel of OOPs, targeted towards simpletons, perhaps. To recollection, this is how it went:
Quote
"Understanding OOPs is very simple. Whenever I think about OOPs I see *balls*... (everyone is shocked and control laughter almost hiding under the billiards/pool table, that was used as a meeting table, when not used for games or lunch! As if that sentence was not enough, the presenter continues...) big, big, balls, flying over in the air and interacting with each other... (no one possibly remembers anything after this)"
Unquote
A humble request to all is that this incident be kept in secret lest it might fall in Grady Booch's hands. The authors are gravely concerned of this document posing a risk to the extent of the father of OOPs commiting suicide, then!
3.3 The multiple main functions issue
Ah, the technical game. RP suddenly grew interested in the buzzword of ******: LDAP. The internal project then was in the test phase and he found a good opportunity to pick up domain knowledge to present some use to ****** and the LDAP client team. Against lot of objections, RP swam through to set up VC++ on his PC and began building the checked-in code for testing. In minutes, an LFM got a call ordering him to go over to RP's desk due to questionable, build-failing, check-ins! Again, in minutes, the problem was solved, with LFM muttering: RTFM (a readme file checked-in had specifically asked the case-by-case adding of test wrapper files, *individually* before building). Our man was building with all test files, each with its own main function, *together*! There were, in essence, many main functions in the damager's workspace, failing the build.
3.4 The coding-enthusiasm issue
In a similar fervor as above, RP once dared into the LFMs' area, during the peak of coding phase. He announced in long-withheld enthusiasm so:
Quote
RP: Achha hai tum log coding karte ho. Main, chahte hue bhi, coding nahi kar sakta!
LFM: Kyun? Apko kisne roka hai? Karo code.
RP: Ha! (laughing) Main coding karunga toh program management kaun karega?
LFM: Aise hi karna hai na? Main kar lunga na!
Unquote
RP returned to his basement cage, subdued, not to return many times again.
3.5 The Shivaji issue
RP and DL, more often than not, used to share a rickshaw on Friday afternoons to start early weekends. One such Fri, an LFM spotted RP stranded alone on the bus stop and here's the scene:
Quote
LFM: RP, DL kuthe ahe? (ek-vachan)
RP: DL kuthe *ahe* nahi, DL kuthe *ahet*? (bahu-vachan)
LFM: Kyun? Woh kya Shivaji hai kya? Uska chhod, tu Shivaji hai kya?
Unquote
3.6 The "FO" issue
One of the recurring fights between an LFM and RP amounted to this. The topic of discussion was whether or not someone who was new to LDAP be allowed to test LDAP client. The discussion shuffled to literal translations leading to filmi dialogues such as "tu apne maa ke paet se toh LDAP sikhkar nahi aya tha na? and "No, RP, anyone can test it, but you can't". Finally, the fight ended when the LFM lost his temper and yelled out in the basement "FO". It remained a much-admired scene for many!
4.0 Introduction to the DL series
4.1 The "Chu****" issue
There was a time when DL went to the ****** basement among many engineers, including a couple of girls. Trying to be his normal self, DL used the oft used Hindi word Chu**** during office hours in an official chat. Everyone was stunned, of course. One LFM took the matter seriously and reported it to the technical director. The director was all ears till he heard DL's name pop up and the usage; his reaction was "Oh! DL? He said that?" He smiled and a little later he laughed. Thats that.
4.2 The tak-tak-tak and "heyyyyy" issue
Usually, project meetings with DL were an utter waste of time. Over time, LFMs learned that the project is not at all technical. Once, DL was serious about how everyone must take down notes about the project progress and what they did at work. DL was often expressive.
This time around, he said "Take down points, it will help you. Some day you'll look at it (pointing the index finger):
tak (finger moving to next point)
tak (finger moving to next point)
tak (finger moving to next point) and
heyyyyy (finger theatrically pointing at an LFM) !"
Many of us didn't know what he was saying, it was just another day, meeting or no meeting of course. However, we realized later he meant "go through the points and you'll know where you went wrong".
4.3 The Unix coder issue
DL seemed frustrated one fine day and decided to vent it out. Perhaps it was the day when the directors voiced out in one way or the other
to DL how big a mistake it was that they hired him. To vent it out, he found a project member and went on about what all he has worked on. The LFM listening had no clue as to whats happening. Then DL said what he shouldn't have; he said that he has coded a lot of Unix stuff, and to the authors' recall he mentioned the Linux kernel! "No," the LFM thought, "not the Linux kernel please". Its quite possible that DL didn't know that the ongoing project was very much on Linux. But DL may have sensed it from LFM's looks, because he immediately backed out by saying that its been long though.
4.4 The what about... issue
Amid a lot of things going on in the project, DL made his sudden appearance and while blabbering other nonsense on project status, he suddenly uttered "And what about yours, LFM?" The LFM who was spoken to and other LFMs took a good while to understand the intended meaning, but they just couldn't stop laughing later. The poor LFM who was asked the difficult question answered as follows:
"Mine is in CVS".
4.5 The test and correction issue
During the alpha and beta phases, the project was short of hands. All the LFMs who had any time on hands were to be made available to this project. DL wanted it happen and his way of putting other people in the project was to put them to test jobs. To explain that new additions to the team should test the code to speed up bug fixing, he managed to put it in some golden words so: "LFM test and (pointing to another LFM) he correct"
The LFMs who were present did not understand at first and were wondering who was correct and who was wrong. It was finally understood after a lot of discussion that what he meant was that one LFM would test the code and another LFM would fix any bugs that were found. "He correct" became a legendary and frequently used phrase in ****** after that.
4.6 The Project Proposal issue
DL was once given a job of doing something that his designation involved, making a project proposal (PP)! DL knew he was not really capable to come up with a quotation and things like that. Somehow he had made the initial draft and having made it, he called an LFM to have a look-see. Actually, the LFM had nothing to do with the project and wasn't even to know of the proposal! DL insisted for the LFM to verify and suggest changes in the PP. It had details including no. of engineers, the rates, etc, among technical things. Finally, the LFM had to say it upfront that he'd only look at technical things in the PP and will have nothing to do with the commercial aspect!
4.7 The "whats he writing?" issue
In one of the project meetings, one LFM was writing a lot of notes while DL was talking. Another LFM had no clue of what is so important to write down in DL's bulls***ing. Of course, DL was happy that someone's making note of his nonsense. After the meeting the LFM explained that he wasn't taking meeting notes but he'd found a good way to kill time during the DL meetings. And that was by noting the funny phrases from DL's talk so that someday it can make it to a book called "DL's English".
4.8 The "Sheep" issue
DL called one of the LFMs for his performance evaluation and was showing him the word document on the screen. The LFM was going through the document and noticed the word "sheep" in the middle of the document. The LFM was in absolute shock. Yes, IT was going through difficult times after the dot com bust but "sheep" ? After re-checking, the sentence was found to be "He will take complete OWNER SHEEP". The most amazing part is that this document was run through the word spelling and grammar check by DL. Word did not find any errors in this sentence. The authors checked and found that Microsoft Office Word 2003 SP3 also finds this sentence to be correct. DL not only made grammatical mistakes but made it in such a fashion that the tools to check and correct mistakes could not catch them !!
5.0 Introduction to others
****** had its share of funny engineers, clients and visitors. The engineers were funny by habit, caring not much of how they present themselves at times. The clients were a tough bunch, because there weren't many yet. The ones who had telecons with members from US had to witness DL not understanding much of what they are saying. Even in client mails, DL couldn't understand much and had LFMs explain the meaning to him in response to DL's common question following the client's mail:
Hyala ithe kay mhanaychay? (what is he trying to say here?)
****** had a wonderful visitor who made up for all those who didn't visit ******, which can be seen in the immediately following 5.1!
5.1 The "anything about anything" issue
Once ****** had a visitor from a high-profile client at Bangalore. The technical director knew that the team was facing some issues understanding some technical things in the client's product. Obviously, he suggested that the team should get all blocks cleared from this expert, the chap who was a well-placed manager at the client's side. So the team went on asking him a few questions that he had no answers for. But to everyone's shock, the visitor explained his issue instead. He said "You can ask me questions, but I don't know anything about anything". The LFMs didn't know what to say, but the technical director did; he said "Oh!" and then went on to perhaps think "I know the kind. We have two such people, DL and RP".
5.2 The nap scenes issue
There was an engineer at ****** who was used to taking it easy when he liked. He had clear ideas on the matter of sleep: when sleepy, sleep. Forget work, answer no phones either. So the fella was taking his usual afternoon nap, when his extension rang. Obviously, he didn't pick it up, but another LFM did. It was the tech. director who wanted the sleeping beauty in his cabin. The sleeping engineer was conveyed the same and in his sleep he replied something to the effect of "okay". After a while, the tech. director was on the ground floor (from the basement cabin) and he casually visited the area to see the hectic work that must have kept the engineer from going for the meeting. He looked at the latter sleeping and in order to not wake him up, just slipped away silently!
5.3 The "what happened?" issue
When we talk about managers in this document we do not only mean ??Technical Managers?? but also other types of managers. There was a very aggressive HR manager who was dreaded by the people working under him. A couple of LFMs were eye witnesses to the scene described below.
An HR executive was working on something when the manager came up to her and hollered "What Happened ?". The poor thing jumped up in fright and dropped some papers in shock. She took around 5 seconds to recover and then understood the context and provided the response to the manager.
5.4 The "cup" issue
One of the vice presidents at ****** used to be quite absent-minded and did not realize what he did sometimes. An LFM was a witness to this incident. The LFM was in the urinal taking a leak and in came the VP with a tea cup in his hand. He did not realize that he had a tea cup in his hand until he reached the commode. He then looked around for a place to put the tea cup and finding none, went ahead and took a leak with the tea cup still in his hand.
6.0 Reference
The LFMs at ****** are the sole reference for this happening and to some, the technical director himself may be a good person to go back to.
6.1 Appendix 1: Individual memories
(TBD, if and when they are available. May be added to sections 3, 4 or 5 also depending on the context. Please remember to add/ update version numbers and date to this)
6.2 Appendix 2: Lost WAP mobile whitepaper
(If someone has a copy of it, it may kindly be copy-pasted here, Please remember to add/ update version numbers and date to this)
Through the nights
(cracking up in my insomnia... :)
Through the nights
Even without lights
Sleepless is the mind
Having nothing to find
Growing lazy every day
Nights too have no say
Only the thought "I'm the light"
Is that of sheer delight and might
Through the nights
Even without lights
Sleepless is the mind
Having nothing to find
Growing lazy every day
Nights too have no say
Only the thought "I'm the light"
Is that of sheer delight and might
Sleepless
For some days now, I've become an insomniac. And this time around, its not because I'm tense or even because I'm at a spiritual high. I don't even know if its the irregular tea intake at times and total lack of it at other times! The funny part is that I'm not unhealthy either. Why then the sleeplessness is beyond me. I do get a little bit of sleep during the day at times when I'm in my chair. Or at other times, when I'm playing chess, after I've made a stupid move, I immediately know that I'd fallen asleep for a brief fraction of time since that move is totally uncalled for!
Some would think that the land mess and my unsettled, going-nowhere, “life”, would have had an impact on my sleep, but its quite the contrary. I see that after a turbulent period of near 3 yrs, life is finally coming through the tunnel. I've stopped planning one way or the other. Anything goes has become an perfectly and happily accepted norm for me in terms of what to do next, where to go, and such eternal questions, inclusive of car, land, belongings, bike, ... everything.
Possibly the mind sleeps when one has a clear idea of what to do next and because I don't have one clear idea, but am careless even about any idea now, the mind has become so lazy that it doesn't even know how to fall asleep! So what to do during the night? I don't feel like reading. I can't play chess since I don't want to keep on losing endlessly in a sleepy state. So I'm blogging now. No content, no material, pure blabber! I don't fall asleep, but I surely do feel sleepy. I think I've found the reason why I don't fall asleep: I'm thinking way too much on why I'm not asleep, there can be no befitting reason. :)
Good night... or is it?
Some would think that the land mess and my unsettled, going-nowhere, “life”, would have had an impact on my sleep, but its quite the contrary. I see that after a turbulent period of near 3 yrs, life is finally coming through the tunnel. I've stopped planning one way or the other. Anything goes has become an perfectly and happily accepted norm for me in terms of what to do next, where to go, and such eternal questions, inclusive of car, land, belongings, bike, ... everything.
Possibly the mind sleeps when one has a clear idea of what to do next and because I don't have one clear idea, but am careless even about any idea now, the mind has become so lazy that it doesn't even know how to fall asleep! So what to do during the night? I don't feel like reading. I can't play chess since I don't want to keep on losing endlessly in a sleepy state. So I'm blogging now. No content, no material, pure blabber! I don't fall asleep, but I surely do feel sleepy. I think I've found the reason why I don't fall asleep: I'm thinking way too much on why I'm not asleep, there can be no befitting reason. :)
Good night... or is it?
Swami Chidananda's Mahasamadhi
Swami Chidanandaji Maharaj, more lovingly known as Guru Maharaj at Shivanandashram, Rishikesh, left his mortal body on 28th August, 2008 at the age of 92. His body had grown weak in recent years and for that reason, he had shifted out of the ashram to Dehradun. Only a few of the revered swamijis of the ashram used to visit him there. During my YVFA course, we didn't have the pleasure to seek his blessings, but he did send his message through one of the sannyasins to be read out in class.
He was among the very few great saints of modern India, whose service for the lepers is well-known. In his purvashrama, he hailed from a very well to do family back in Udupi. Gurudev Swami Shivananda had asked people not to to disturb Guru Maharaj's work even if he's needed in an emergency, also saying another time "Shivananda is Chidananda, Chidananda is Shivananda". Strict in his attitude towards dharma and ashram activities, Guru Maharaj was respected by one and all for his infinite love towards all, humans and animals alike. I remember one story narrated to us, when Guru Maharaj ran in to get a broom after seeing a lot of ants in a wash basin due to some piece of sweet lying around. By the time he returned, someone had washed away the ants from the basin. He was so upset and hurt with the act that he didn't have food for a couple of days to punish himself!
I'm not a person who does any service, nor do I claim to do so. I'm too small a person for that. I do remember self-acclaimed karmayogis or those in the making who do everything in the name of yoga. One such intending karmayogi got a scolding from one Swamiji back at the ashram once, during our YVFA course. A chap went on about how he would like to be useful socially, etc, when the Swamiji said that its easier said than done: "if so, try touching a leper. Then you can talk tall of karmayoga". Then he mentioned how Sw. Chidanandaji Maharaj was a true karmayogi who knew no time or place for his services and lived with his oft quoted motto "Serve as many people in as many ways as you possibly can".
Another incident that links my beloved Guruji, Bhagavan Sridhara Swamiji, to Shivanandashram is when he was visiting the Himalayas. Sw. Sivanandaji sent Sw. Chidanandaji to fetch him. Since Sridhara Swamiji was in a hurry, he couldn't get down, but there's a picture of Bhagavan in the bus with Guru Maharaj standing outside the window, seen in Sridhara Charita.
The simplicity of such a great divine personality can be seen even in his dying. Here's an extract from the ashram website: "In his death , for which he had left strict instructions for his body to be immersed in the Ganges quickly (Jal Samadhi) , and no spectacle be made of in terms of mourning , as in life , Swami Chidananda remained a simple monk , despite being the President of an international organization with centres across the globe, upholding the highest values of India's monastic traditions ."
I hope Shivanandashram continues to remain at a spiritual high on the pillars of foundation laid down by Gurudev and Guru Maharaj.
(Mahesh mailed me about this and I was unaware of Guru Maharaj's mahasamadhi)
nityashuddham nirAbhAsam nirAkAram niranjanam
nityabodham chidAnandam gurumbrahma namAmyaham
He was among the very few great saints of modern India, whose service for the lepers is well-known. In his purvashrama, he hailed from a very well to do family back in Udupi. Gurudev Swami Shivananda had asked people not to to disturb Guru Maharaj's work even if he's needed in an emergency, also saying another time "Shivananda is Chidananda, Chidananda is Shivananda". Strict in his attitude towards dharma and ashram activities, Guru Maharaj was respected by one and all for his infinite love towards all, humans and animals alike. I remember one story narrated to us, when Guru Maharaj ran in to get a broom after seeing a lot of ants in a wash basin due to some piece of sweet lying around. By the time he returned, someone had washed away the ants from the basin. He was so upset and hurt with the act that he didn't have food for a couple of days to punish himself!
I'm not a person who does any service, nor do I claim to do so. I'm too small a person for that. I do remember self-acclaimed karmayogis or those in the making who do everything in the name of yoga. One such intending karmayogi got a scolding from one Swamiji back at the ashram once, during our YVFA course. A chap went on about how he would like to be useful socially, etc, when the Swamiji said that its easier said than done: "if so, try touching a leper. Then you can talk tall of karmayoga". Then he mentioned how Sw. Chidanandaji Maharaj was a true karmayogi who knew no time or place for his services and lived with his oft quoted motto "Serve as many people in as many ways as you possibly can".
Another incident that links my beloved Guruji, Bhagavan Sridhara Swamiji, to Shivanandashram is when he was visiting the Himalayas. Sw. Sivanandaji sent Sw. Chidanandaji to fetch him. Since Sridhara Swamiji was in a hurry, he couldn't get down, but there's a picture of Bhagavan in the bus with Guru Maharaj standing outside the window, seen in Sridhara Charita.
The simplicity of such a great divine personality can be seen even in his dying. Here's an extract from the ashram website: "In his death , for which he had left strict instructions for his body to be immersed in the Ganges quickly (Jal Samadhi) , and no spectacle be made of in terms of mourning , as in life , Swami Chidananda remained a simple monk , despite being the President of an international organization with centres across the globe, upholding the highest values of India's monastic traditions ."
I hope Shivanandashram continues to remain at a spiritual high on the pillars of foundation laid down by Gurudev and Guru Maharaj.
(Mahesh mailed me about this and I was unaware of Guru Maharaj's mahasamadhi)
nityashuddham nirAbhAsam nirAkAram niranjanam
nityabodham chidAnandam gurumbrahma namAmyaham
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