Short temper

Hari Om!

Since nearly a month now, I've become extremely short tempered. Perhaps, physiologically, my blood pressure may be undergoing various changes too in the ways that I've tried to control my anger and failed! The sudden burst of anger seen now has really happened in a gradual manner. Over years, I've tried to control anger in various ways: humour, sarcasm, turning tables, silence, etc, but now it is beyond me. And what is it that makes me angry? Thus far, I'd trouble tolerating lies and had zero patience for nonsense. Apart from this, I dislike correcting the same mistakes of people; that is, I don't like to repeat things endlessly. The list has, by far, been growing. I was losing interest in almost everything worldly, not the technicality of the topics by themselves, but the people getting involved in it. For example, I'm okay with the talk that "stocks are not doing good", but not a following statement that "Mr. Abc is totally into shares" or "he has xyz investment" about others, etc. And this is precisely what people do; they start bringing in gossip, because they have no other better business. They seem to think that I've no better business either! I don't care what they think, but I don't want them to share it with me. So not only have I lost interest in worldly things and talk, but the worldly people themselves. I'm trying to find a solution to this and God willing, I'll have it in place soon. Till then, I'm trying to live my life by staying indoors as much as possible and keeping my phone off. I do get a few calls or old sms' when I switch on the phone for internet access, but I'm enduring them so far. Another reason to avoid meeting people in person/ on phone is to avoid fights; if I can't continue my sAdhana due circumstances or lack of satsanga, I'd rather spend my life in watching movies than confront these people who are a duHsanga.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them alone; I'm blaming myself too. What they do is their nature, what I do is mine... anger shouldn't be a part of my nature and hence the solution I'm trying. Even if I can't change myself, I can at least not waste my life getting angry at people I shouldn't be caring about in the first place! To each his own. :)

om tat sat
Post a Comment