Absolute’s Pain

(Jan 01, 2007)

Although I try to avoid it as much as possible, I’ve got in to the habit of taking afternoon naps since a good while now. Most times I do the shavAsanA instead. Today, however, I felt like sleeping much and did so. For some reason, in the dream-like state, I knew I was sleeping, I knew I was getting into the deep sleep state and I knew that I can wake up any time if I want to avoid the deep sleep. Knowingly I “let myself enter the deep sleep”! I don’t think I can explain this in a meaningful manner and I also know it why – many have failed to do so previously – but still I’ll try my worth.

The Absolute, that I term as deep sleep here, was trying to pull me into its hug, the pull bringing “pleasing pain”. I also wanted to get in, but some I told me that I’ll not be able to wake up then! Another I was sure that waking up is not a problem, trying to move limbs in order to prove so. Somewhere then, these I’s gave up the contemplation and landed me into the Absolute. The feeling was of merging into it, becoming One with It, stretched out from all directions and at the same time, some struggle that was trying to survive me! There was also a feeling of being responsible as a bestower of everything, in parallel to it, or going and coming out of the absolute feeling, as a wave. It was something of a push-pull activity into and out of the Absolute.

I’m thankful for such dreams, feelings, hallucinations, experiences, states, whatever they are, or are called as, since they allow me to understand what it may in principle be: Like the mother that plays with her child knowing it to be false, but acting to the faith of the child’s involvement, the Absolute does so too. The mother doesn’t even have to think that she has to act or not get involved, playful participation happens automatically. So too, the Absolute is involved in the play of bestowing everything as Ishwara, while not being involved, automatically.

om tat sat