Tricky middle path

I've had people asking me on how it'd work quitting a job, the city, staying in a village, earning on need basis, not joining an ashram, etc. One shouldn't join an ashram with extra baggage of commitments. Thats how my thinking has been. Apart from this there's a very important factor of not being ready for the serious extreme step. The sAdhana chAtushTaya is not a one day thing, nor is it something you learn on joining an ashram. It'd be as weird as going to college without even doing primary schooling! Well, there are other reasons but those are the main ones.

So what is this middle path that I intend to try? Its like trying to build an ashram kind of discipline around where you live. Its a life of building purity in thought, word and deed, especially for a brahmachAri. Its a life of seclusion, without much worldly contact, barring your commitments, focused on nitya karmas, svAdhyAya, satsanga, that increases gradually to fill the most of your waking time. Its about reducing your wants to the point that you could live with bare necessities.

Its not a lifelong vacation or quitting a job because you've made enough money or you want to laze out your life. I left a decently paying job because I find something much better in spirituality. No one would expect you to spend hours with them chitchatting things when you've a neat job, but they strangely seem to think that something a lot more important than that has hours to spare! They think that since you're sitting at home, you're willing to go with them for a vacation or visit them, or spend time in useless gossip or discussing things that you left for good, or are at least trying with all your heart. I was getting so impatient losing precious time in activities and around worldly people, talking mostly about their jobs, family, relatives, friends, problems, gossip, that I took to switching off my cell, keeping off the internet and staying indoors for a few days; that really helped. I think I'll have to do that for longer durations henceforth since if I return online or get outdoors or switch the phone on, I've to get into all that I want to avoid. I don't mind satsanga though, in fact I crave for it, but its rare to find it. There are very few out there who want to discuss religion and spirituality, but instead talk about almost anything else. All such talk pulls you back right into misery away from spirituality, not only during the time that you're in such petty talk, when you risk participating in it too, but worse yet, afterwards. Thats when the thoughts start revisiting the plane of misery even during sAdhana and satsanga!

Its a cruel world with its wants, based on social norms, weighing not what is important to you, not even wanting to learn! I've tried weaning myself away from it, unwilling to hurt, but sometimes it needs a band-aid kind of quick action ripping off, one time hurting and thats that. If that too fails and none of my approaches work to focus on my path, I may have to throw the middle path away and take the plunge on to the other side. All in good time.
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